“Don’t be so suspicious,” said Cecil. “I thought you prided yourself
on your strength of mind?”
“So be it, mademoiselle,” said the boy. “What is to happen will
happen. We shall see.”
In spite of these little rubs, however, the journeying life was very
pleasant to Cecil, and she even looked forward with a certain degree
of dread to the time when she must exchange the blue wrapper and high
boots she wore in riding for the trailing dress and white sheet of the
Palace. Everything out here was so entirely new, and she was separated
from the troublesome personal questions and problems which had worried
her lately at Baghdad. In these the chief factor was Charlie Egerton.
She had never seen him since the day of the riot, when he had so
suddenly and unwarrantably kissed her hand, but this was by her own
wish, for she felt that she did not know how to meet him again. Anger
at his presumption, and rage against herself for the display of
weakness which had emboldened him to the act, combined to embitter her
against him. And yet she could not keep him out of her thoughts. Her
mind dwelt on the scene at the Residency so constantly that she became
alarmed. What did all this mean? She must get away from Dr Egerton’s
disturbing influence, and think the matter out calmly. With this in
view, she had acquiesced in hurrying on her departure from Baghdad
without seeing him, and she had since taken full advantage of her
opportunity for thought.
She had never exactly formulated to herself her views of an ideal
lover, but she was vaguely conscious that, allowing for the difference
of standpoint, her requirements were much on a level with those of the
seventeenth-century poet who sang the praises of the “not impossible
she.” And here, as she could not help perceiving, was the real
lover--Charlie Egerton, frivolous, unstable, unsuccessful. These were
the hard epithets she applied to him, while all the while admitting to
herself that she could not help liking him, and that there was
something noble and quixotic about his unfortunate efforts to keep
other people up to their duty. But here again the softness of her own
mood alarmed her, and she proceeded to examine into her feelings with
all the systematic thoroughness of a practised student of mental
science. After long cogitation, and much analysis of complex emotions
into their elements, she came to the conclusion that she was not in
love with Charlie. She even assured herself that she despised him a
little, and this was obviously an insurmountable bar to love. But the
chief drawback to the introspective method of studying mental
phenomena is, as the text-books tell us, the danger of the mind’s
forgetting its own states, or even misinterpreting them, owing to the
distracting influence of personal fears and wishes. This Cecil forgot,
while assuring herself that her clear duty now was to show Charlie
plainly what her feelings were. It would be unkind to allow him to
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