She knew well enough that caprice, the love of those who do not love,
lives on luxury, intoxicating perfumes, shimmering silk, and all the
mysterious surroundings of draperies which are the accompaniment of the
adventure. Vaudrey would recoil before this Bohemian studio. The famous
"nimbus," of which Kayser spoke, was the creature of his tobacco smoke.
What was to be done, then? Receive the minister yonder in that remote
apartment where, all alone,--it was true--she went to dream, dream with
all the strange joys attending isolation? Draw this man to a distant
corner of Paris, in the midst of the ruins of former luxury, as mean as
the wretch's studio?--Eh! that was to acknowledge to Vaudrey that she
was intriguing for a liaison with the single object of quitting the
prison-walls of want. She realized that this man, full of illusions,
believing that he had to do with perhaps a virtuous girl, or, at least,
one who was not moving in her own circle, who was giving herself, but
not selling herself, would shrink at the reality on finding himself face
to face with an adventuress.
"Illusion is everything! He must be deceived! They are all stupid!" she
mused.
But how was she to deceive this man as to her condition, how cloak her
want, how cause herself to pass for what she was not? With Rosas it
would have been a simple matter. Poor, she presented herself to him in
her poverty. He loved her so. She could the better mislead him. But with
Vaudrey, on the contrary, she must dazzle.
"Two innocents," Marianne said to herself, "the one thirsts for virtue,
the other for vice."
Should she confess everything to Sulpice as she had done to Rosas? Yes,
perhaps, if she discovered no better way, but a better plan had to be
found, sought, or invented. Find what? Borrow? Ask? Whom? Guy? She would
not dare to do so, even supposing that Lissac was sufficiently well off.
Then she wished to keep up appearances, even in Guy's eyes. Further,
she had never forgiven him for running off to Italy. She never would
forget it. No, no, she would ask nothing from Guy.
To whom, then, should she apply? She again found herself in the
frightful extremity of those who, in that almost limitless Paris,
involved in the terrible intricacies of that madly-directed machine,
seek money, a loan, some help, an outstretched hand, but who find
nothing, not an effort to help them in all its crowd. She was overcome
with rage and hatred. Nothing! she had nothing! She would have sold
herself to any person whatsoever, to have speedily obtained a few of the
luxuries she required. Yes; sold herself now, to sell herself more
dearly to-morrow.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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