His Majesty Baby and Some Common PeopleMaclaren, Ian
General
His Majesty Baby and Some Common People
Maclaren, Ian
Fiction; Short stories
During this address several stalwart fighters were seen to nod to one
another, and one went the length of slapping his leg, and already the
moderator had acquired the respect of his turbulent congregation.
The handsaw arose and proposed his candidate, and almost immediately
attacked the other party. “Sit down, sir,” said the moderator, “you're
out of order,” and after a brief stare of amazement and a measuring of
the force against him, the handsaw gave a glance around and collapsed.
A candidate was proposed from the other side, but his name was hardly
mentioned before the mover commenced to refer to the handsaw. “You are
out of order,” said the moderator; “not another word,” and, although the
female leader of that side nodded to him to go on, he thought better,
and also collapsed. Then an astute old strategist at the back, who had
embroiled many a meeting, and who was sitting with a law book in
his hand, proposed that they should delay the election until another
meeting. “That motion,” said the moderator, “I shall not receive. We
have not met to delay; we have met to vote.” Whereupon another Scot
arose and stated that he had risen to a point of order, which is always
the excuse by which the proceedings can be interrupted. “What,” he said,
“I want to know is this: Is it regular to vote when there was no notice
given that the voting was to take place?” “There was notice given,” said
the moderator; “sit down in your place.” “Can I not object?” he said.
“No,” he said, “you can't.” He looked around the meeting. “What,” he
said, “is the use of being a Presbyterian if I am not allowed to object?
I might as well be an Episcopalian.” The moderator, still standing, eyed
him, and said: “Are you going to sit down or are you not?” “Do you order
me to sit down in your private or in your public capacity?” said the
recalcitrant. “As a man or as a moderator?” For nothing delights a Scot
more than to make this contrast between public and private capacity,
like the Scotch magistrate, who said, “In my public capacity I fine you
five shillings for the assault; in my private capacity I would have done
the same myself.” “As moderator,” said the minister, “I command you to
take your place.” “I consent--I consent,” said the Scot, with infinite
relish, like a man who had had a wrestling match and had been fairly
beaten, and he leant back to a friend behind, saying, “Sall, he's a lad,
the moderator,” for this is the way in which a man wins respect from
Scots. In a moment he had risen again. “Moderator,” he said, “ye
commanded me in yir official capacity to sit doon, and I obeyed,
but”--and there was a silence through the church--“I'll no sit down
for that woman,” indicating the elder's wife. “She would turn round and
order me to sit down as if I had been her husband, but, moderator,” he
said, “I thank the Almichty I'm not.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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