Autobiographical fiction; Impressionist artists -- France -- Paris -- Fiction; Paris (France) -- Intellectual life -- Fiction
Getting no answer from Claude, he fancied he could hear him crying. Was
it with the same infinite sadness, the despair by which he himself
had been stirred just now? He waited for a moment, then repeated his
question, and at last the painter, after choking down a sob, stammered:
‘Thanks, the picture will remain here; I sha’n’t send it.’
‘What? Why, you had made up your mind?’
‘Yes, yes, I had made up my mind; but I had not seen it as I saw it
just now in the waning daylight. I have failed with it, failed with it
again--it struck my eyes like a blow, it went to my very heart.’
His tears now flowed slow and scalding in the gloom that hid him from
sight. He had been restraining himself, and now the silent anguish which
had consumed him burst forth despite all his efforts.
‘My poor friend,’ said Sandoz, quite upset; ‘it is hard to tell you so,
but all the same you are right, perhaps, in delaying matters to finish
certain parts rather more. Still I am angry with myself, for I shall
imagine that it was I who discouraged you by my everlasting stupid
discontent with things.’
Claude simply answered:
‘You! what an idea! I was not even listening to you. No; I was looking,
and I saw everything go helter-skelter in that confounded canvas. The
light was dying away, and all at once, in the greyish dusk, the scales
suddenly dropped from my eyes. The background alone is pretty; the
nude woman is altogether too loud; what’s more, she’s out of the
perpendicular, and her legs are badly drawn. When I noticed that, ah!
it was enough to kill me there and then; I felt life departing from me.
Then the gloom kept rising and rising, bringing a whirling sensation, a
foundering of everything, the earth rolling into chaos, the end of the
world. And soon I only saw the trunk waning like a sickly moon. And
look, look! there now remains nothing of her, not a glimpse; she is
dead, quite black!’
In fact, the picture had at last entirely disappeared. But the painter
had risen and could be heard swearing in the dense obscurity.
‘D--n it all, it doesn’t matter, I’ll set to work at it again--’
Then Christine, who had also risen from her chair, against which he
stumbled, interrupted him, saying: ‘Take care, I’ll light the lamp.’
She lighted it and came back looking very pale, casting a glance of
hatred and fear at the picture. It was not to go then? The abomination
was to begin once more!
‘I’ll set to work at it again,’ repeated Claude, ‘and it shall kill me,
it shall kill my wife, my child, the whole lot; but, by heaven, it shall
be a masterpiece!’
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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