Autobiographical fiction; Impressionist artists -- France -- Paris -- Fiction; Paris (France) -- Intellectual life -- Fiction
She did not allude to the shame which she had felt during the first
few days after her adventure on the Quai de Bourbon. Finding herself in
safety, beneath the old lady’s roof, the recollection of the night she
had spent in Claude’s room had filled her with remorse; but she fancied
at last that she had succeeded in dismissing the matter from her mind.
It was no longer anything but a bad dream, which grew more indistinct
each day. Then, how it was she could not tell, but amidst the profound
quietude of her existence, the image of that young man who had
befriended her had returned to her once more, becoming more and more
precise, till at last it occupied her daily thoughts. Why should she
forget him? She had nothing to reproach him with; on the contrary, she
felt she was his debtor. The thought of seeing him again, dismissed
at first, struggled against later on, at last became an all-absorbing
craving. Each evening the temptation to go and see him came strong upon
her in the solitude of her own room. She experienced an uncomfortable
irritating feeling, a vague desire which she could not define, and only
calmed down somewhat on ascribing this troubled state of mind to a wish
to evince her gratitude. She was so utterly alone, she felt so stifled
in that sleepy abode, the exuberance of youth seethed so strongly within
her, her heart craved so desperately for friendship!
‘So I took advantage of my first day out,’ she continued. ‘And besides,
the weather was so nice this morning after all the dull rain.’
Claude, feeling very happy and standing before her, also confessed
himself, but _he_ had nothing to hide.
‘For my part,’ said he, ‘I dared not think of you any more. You are like
one of the fairies of the story-books, who spring from the floor and
disappear into the walls at the very moment one least expects it; aren’t
you now? I said to myself, “It’s all over: it was perhaps only in my
fancy that I saw her come to this studio.” Yet here you are. Well, I am
pleased at it, very pleased indeed.’
Smiling, but embarrassed, Christine averted her head, pretending to
look around her. But her smile soon died away. The ferocious-looking
paintings which she again beheld, the glaring sketches of the South, the
terrible anatomical accuracy of the studies from the nude, all chilled
her as on the first occasion. She became really afraid again, and she
said gravely, in an altered voice:
‘I am disturbing you; I am going.’
‘Oh! not at all, not at all,’ exclaimed Claude, preventing her from
rising. ‘It does me good to have a talk with you, for I was working
myself to death. Oh! that confounded picture; it’s killing me as it is.’
Thereupon Christine, lifting her eyes, looked at the large picture, the
canvas that had been turned to the wall on the previous occasion, and
which she had vainly wished to see.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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