History of a literary radical, and other essaysBourne, Randolph Silliman
General
History of a literary radical, and other essays
Bourne, Randolph Silliman
American essays -- 20th century
His cough grew lighter, and as I looked at his yellow hair and the
angelic flush of his round cheeks, I thought of the horrid little
puppets that had been produced around me in conventional homes,
under model fathers and kind and devout mothers. How their fears and
inhibitions contrasted with Ernest’s directness! His bitter mood
at going to bed had a certain fine quality about it. I recalled
the _camaraderie_ we had established. The box of lemon-drops, only
half-exhausted, stared at me from the pocket of his little sweater. I
became proud of Ernest. I was enjoying again my vicarious parenthood.
What did that obscure and tangled heredity of his, or his most
problematical of futures, matter to him or to me? It was delightful
to adopt him thus imaginatively. If he turned out badly, could you
not ascribe it to his heredity, and if well, to your kindly nurture
and constant wisdom? Nothing else could be very much thought about,
perhaps, but for the moment Ernest seemed supremely worth thinking
about. There would be his education. And suddenly it seemed that I did
not know very much about educating a child. It would be too absorbing.
There would be no time for the making of a living. Ernest loomed before
my imagination in the guise of a pleasant peril.
And then morning came. As soon as it was light Ernest could be
heard talking and chuckling to himself, with no hint of delirium or
pneumonia, or the bogies of the night. When I spoke he came running in
in his bare feet, and crawled in with me. He told me that in spite of
my valiant chair he had really fallen out of bed. He did not care, and
proceeded to jump over me in a vigorous acrobatic way. He did not even
cough, and I wondered if all the little sinister things of childhood
passed so easily with the night. It was impossible to remember my fears
as he tossed and shouted, the perfection of healthiness. Parenthood now
seemed almost too easy to bother with.
Ernest caught sight of my dollar watch on the chair, and I saw that he
conceived a fatal and instantaneous passion. He listened to its tick,
shook it, ogled it amorously. He made little suggestive remarks about
liking it. I teased him with the fact that he could not tell time.
Ernest snorted at first in good-natured contempt at the artificial
rigidity of the process, but finally allowed himself to be persuaded
that I was not fooling him. And my heart swelled with the generosity
which I was about to practise in presenting him with this wonderful
watch.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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