History of English Humour, Vol. 1: With an Introduction upon Ancient HumourL'Estrange, A. G. K. (Alfred Guy Kingan)
Philosophy
History of English Humour, Vol. 1: With an Introduction upon Ancient Humour
L'Estrange, A. G. K. (Alfred Guy Kingan)
English wit and humor -- History and criticism; Wit and humor -- History and criticism
(_Enter Adam solus, with a bottle of beer in one slop (trouser) and
a great piece of beef in the other._)
_Adam._ Well, goodman Jonas, I would you had never come from Jewry
to this country; you have made me look like a lean rib of roast
beef, or like the picture of Lent, painted upon a red-herring's
cob. Alas! masters, we are commanded by the proclamation to fast
and pray! By my troth, I could prettily so, so away with praying,
but for fasting, why 'tis so contrary to my nature, that I had
rather suffer a short hanging than a long fasting. Mark me, the
words be these: thou shalt take no manner of food for so many
days. I had as lief he should have said, thou shalt hang thyself
for so many days. And yet, in faith, I need not find fault with the
proclamation, for I have a buttery and a pantry and a kitchen about
me; for proof, _ecce signum_! This right slop is my pantry, behold
a manchet; this place is my kitchen, for lo! a piece of beef. O!
let me repeat that sweet word again!--for lo! a piece of beef. This
is my buttery, for see, see, my friends, to my great joy a bottle
of beer. Thus, alas! I make shift to wear out this fasting; I drive
away the time. But there go searchers about to seek if any man
breaks the king's command. O, here they be; in with your victuals,
Adam.
(_Enter two Searchers._)
_1st Searcher._ How duly the men of Nineveh keep the proclamation!
how they are armed to repentance! We have searched through the
whole city, and have not as yet found one that breaks the fast.
_2nd Sear._ The sign of the more grace; but stay, there sits one,
methinks at his prayers; let us see who it is.
_1st Sear._ 'Tis Adam, the smith's man. How, now, Adam?
_Adam._ Trouble me not; thou shalt take no manner of food, but fast
and pray.
_1st Sear._ How devoutly he sits at his orisons! But stay, methinks
I feel a smell of some meat or bread about him.
_2nd Sear._ So thinks me too. You, Sirrah, what victuals have you
about you?
_Adam._ Victuals! O horrible blasphemy! Hinder me not of my prayer,
nor drive me not into a choler. Victuals? why heardest thou not the
sentence, thou shalt take no food, but fast and pray?
_2nd Sear._ Troth, so it should be; but, methinks, I smell meat
about thee.
_Adam._ About me, my friends? these words are actions in the case.
About me? no! no! hang those gluttons that cannot fast and pray.
_1st Sear._ Well, for all your words we must search you.
_Adam._ Search me? take heed what you do! my hose are my castles;
'tis burglary if you break ope a slop; no officer must lift up an
iron hatch; take heed, my slops are iron.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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