[390] "Consilium immanis audaciæ plenum." (Pallavicini, i, 17.) A measure of infinite daring. The struggle which took place in his soul cannot be better described than in his own words. "I began this affair," says he, "with great fear and trembling. Who was I, a poor, miserable, despicable friar, liker a corpse than a living man;[391]--who was I, to oppose the majesty of the pope, before whom not only the kings of the earth and the whole world, but also, if I may so speak, heaven and hell trembled, compelled to yield obedience to his nod? Nobody can imagine what my heart suffered during those two first years, and into what depression, I might say what despair, I was often plunged. No idea of it can be formed by those proud spirits who afterwards attacked the pope with great boldness, although with all their ability they could not have done him the least harm, had not Jesus Christ, by me his feeble and unworthy instrument, given him a wound which never will be cured. But while they were contented to look on, and leave me alone in danger, I was not so joyful, so tranquil, or so sure about the business; for at that time I did not know many things which, thank God, I know now. It is true, several pious Christians were much pleased with my Propositions, and set a great value upon them, but I could not own and regard them as the organs of the Holy Spirit. I looked only to the pope, the cardinals, bishops, theologians, jurisconsults, monks, and priests. That was the direction from which I expected the Spirit to come. Still having, by means of Scripture, come off victorious over all contrary arguments, I have at length, by the grace of Christ, though after much pain, travail, and anguish, surmounted the only argument which arrested me, viz., that it is necessary to listen to the Church;[392] for from the bottom of my heart I honoured the church of the pope as the true church, and did so with much more sincerity and veneration, than those shameless and infamous corrupters who are now so very forward in opposing me. Had I despised the pope as much as he is despised in the hearts of those who praise him so loudly with their lips, I would have dreaded that the earth would instantly open and swallow me up as it did Corah and his company!" [391] "Miserrimus tunc fraterculus, cadaveri similior quam homini." (Luth. Op. Lat. i, p. 49.) [392] "Et cum omnia argumenta superassem per Scripturas, hoc unum cum summa difficultate et angustia, tandem Christo favente, vix superavi, Ecclesiam scilicet esse audiendam." (Luth. Op. Lat. i, p. 49.)