Now they were shed, the tears, the great scalding flood of them had
fallen. The man lay on his face in the ferns like a dead body on a
battlefield, broken, drained dry of everything, of strength, of
stoicism, of suffering, even of bitterness. For the moment there was
nothing left ... nothing but the consciousness of being alone, empty and
alone in the blackness.
And yet was he alone, quite alone? Something in the black gulf stirred
and made a rustle of leaves high over his head. The little sound came
clear to his ears. Then three clear whistling notes dropped down to him,
a thrush trying his voice wistfully, dreaming of the summer past. The
angel-pure perfection of those notes sounded across the black gulf with
ineffable radiance. The prostrate man at the foot of the tree heard them
ringing out in the echoing, empty rooms of his heart. They seemed the
first sounds he had ever heard, the presage of something new, of
everything new. He did not stir, but he held his breath to listen.
The bird did not sing again. And yet there was no silence as he had
thought. Listening for the bird's note, he heard the delicate murmur of
the leaves, light arpeggios accompanying the singing voice of the little
brook, now suddenly quite loud in his ears. He felt the fern-stalks
stirring against his cheek and divined their supple submission to the
wind. The chestnut was still in his hand, unimaginably smooth, polished,
flawless. The breeze lifted his hair in a movement gentler than anything
human ... his blackened house was no longer empty of all things.
Presently his young body wearied of immobility. He found himself on his
back, stretched out on the good earth, his arms crossed under his head,
his eyes turned toward the sky he would never see again. His muscles
were all relaxed as they had not been for months, every taut nerve was
loosened. The wind blew softly among the leaves, across his forehead.
On a sudden caprice, the thrush again sent down its three perfect notes,
like an enchanted flute....
* * * * *
They ushered him into the moment he had inexpressibly longed for,
inexpressibly feared, the moment when he must stop hating and raging,
must stop pretending to be hard, when he must at last be honest with
himself, must face what there was to face, must say out the word he had
never dared to say in his heart, although his proud lips had brought it
out so many times, when he must announce to his terrified heart: "I am a
blind man. What does it mean to be blind?"
Above his body, infinitely tired, infinitely reposed by his paroxysm of
sorrow, his mind soared, imperious, eagle-like, searching. What was the
meaning of it? He looked squarely at it like a brave man, and knew that
he had the courage to look at it. With an effort of all his being, he
began to think; with all his force, with all his will, with all his
energy, to think. With the action he felt a stirring of life in all
those empty chambers of his being.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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