In a university or a big commercial town it is easy to get rooms for less than we pay in England; but in a small _Residenz_ I have found it difficult. There were rooms to let, but no one wanted us, because we were not officers with soldier servants to wait on us; nor did we want to engage rooms as the officers did for at least six months. In fact, we found ourselves as unpopular as ladies are in a London suburb where all the lodging-house keepers want "gentlemen in the city" who are away all day and give no trouble. At last, after searching through every likely street in the town, we found a dentist with exuberant manners, who said he would overlook our shortcomings, and allow us to inhabit his rooms at a high price on condition we gave no trouble. We said we never gave trouble anywhere, and left both hotels and lodging-houses with an excellent character, so the bargain was concluded. I saw that his wife was not a party to it, but he overruled her, and as he was a big red-faced noisy man, and she was a small rat of a woman, I thought he would continue to do so. One is always making these stupid elementary mistakes about one's fellow-creatures. But a little later in the day I had occasion to call at the rooms to complete some arrangement about luggage, and then the wife received me alone. I asked her if she could put a small table into a room that only had a big one. I forget why I wanted it. "Table!" she said rudely. "What can you want another table for? Isn't that one enough?" "I should like another," I said,--"any little one would do." "I don't keep tables up my sleeve," said she. "You see what you can have, ... just what is there. If it doesn't suit you...." "But it does suit me," I said hurriedly, for the search had been long and exhausting, and the rooms were pleasant enough. I thought we need not deal much with the woman. "No meals except coffee in the morning; you understand that?" she said in a truculent tone. "Oh yes, I understand. We shall go out at midday and at night. Afternoon tea I always make myself with a spirit lamp...." Never in my life have I been so startled. I thought the woman was going to behave like a rat in a corner, and fly at me. She shook her fist and shouted so loud that she brought the dentist on the scene. "_Spiritus_," she screamed. "_Spiritus--Spiritus leid' ich nicht._" "Bless us!" I said in English. "What's the matter?" "_Was ist's?_" said the dentist, and he looked downright frightened. "_Sie will kochen_," said his wife, shaking her fist at me again. "She has a spirit lamp. She wants to turn my beautiful _bestes Zimmer_ into a kitchen. She will take all the polish off my furniture, just as the last people did when they cooked for themselves." "Cooked!" I said. "Who speaks of cooking?--I spoke of a cup of tea." "_Spiritus leid' ich nicht_," shrieked the woman. "No," said the dentist, "we can't have cooking here." "_Spiritus leid'_...."