Our hospitality is admitted; but what a European visitor misses is the appearance of the wife and other members of the family at the dinner or supper to which he is invited. The husband, as the head of the family, is its sole representative, and his presence is sufficient for doing the honours. The wife seldom appears unless the visitor is a family friend or she is acquainted with his wife. Such an invitation as taking pot-luck is seldom given; politeness requires us to depreciate our offering, but we treat to our best. We therefore entertain and are entertained without our wives’ participation. It is nothing extraordinary to have friends of many years’ standing, whose wives we have never seen. It is then absurd to attribute this reticence respecting our family affairs to any sentiment hostile to our foreign visitors. Our social point of view is indeed so different to the occidental that a European generally falls into an error when he tries to judge our customs from his own standpoint. CHAPTER XIV. MARRIAGE. Girls and marriage—Young men—The marriage ceremony—Match-making—Betrothal—The bride’s property—Wedding decorations—The nuptials—Wedding supper—Congratulations—Post-nuptial parties—Japanese style of engagement—The advantages of the go-between system—The go-between as the woman’s deputy—The go-between as mediator—Marriage a civil contract in Japan—No honeymoon—The Japanese attitude towards marriage. Marriage is the turning-point of a woman’s life in Japan in a far greater degree than it is in western countries, for the simple reason that she has as yet few openings for earning an independence. Girls are brought up with a view to marriage and are early taught the duties of wife and mother. They look upon the wedded state as their lot in life and are prepared to enter sooner or later into matrimony. There are not many women who remain single all their lives. Girls of the poorer classes find employment at factories, if they are strong enough; others become waitresses at inns, restaurants, tea-houses, and other places of entertainment, or enter domestic service; but even these find mates in time. Of women in other callings, such as hair-dressers, midwives, and seamstresses, the majority are married or widowed. For girls of the better classes the scope outside of matrimony is narrow indeed. They may teach in elementary schools, or take private pupils, if they have the requisite knowledge, for instruction in needlework, etiquette, flower arrangement, tea-ceremony, or music, or else they can only be dependent on parents or relatives. But as the latter alternative which would be the fate of most girls is irksome, they naturally choose wedlock as the best means of escape from dependency or precarious livelihood. And that they, however homely they may be, succeed in finding husbands is due to the go-between system.