“‘If you had but done me the favor of trusting me, if you had read the
letter I wrote to you five years since, you would have spared yourself
five years of useless labor, and of privations which have grieved me
deeply. In it I proposed an arrangement of which the stipulations will
relieve all your fears, and make our domestic life possible. I have much
to reproach myself with, and in seven years of sorrow I have discovered
all my errors. I misunderstood marriage. I failed to scent danger when
it threatened you. An angel was in the house. The Lord bid me guard it
well! The Lord has punished me for my audacious confidence.
“‘You cannot give yourself a single lash without striking me. Have mercy
on me, my dear Honorine. I so fully appreciated your susceptibilities
that I would not bring you back to the old house in the Rue Payenne,
where I can live without you, but which I could not bear to see again
with you. I am decorating, with great pleasure, another house, in the
Faubourg Saint-Honore, to which, in hope, I conduct not a wife whom I
owe to her ignorance of life, and secured to me by law, but a sister
who will allow me to press on her brow such a kiss as a father gives the
daughter he blesses every day.
“‘Will you bereave me of the right I have conquered from your
despair--that of watching more closely over your needs, your pleasures,
your life even? Women have one heart always on their side, always
abounding in excuses--their mother’s; you never knew any mother but my
mother, who would have brought you back to me. But how is it that you
never guessed that I had for you the heart of a mother, both of my
mother and of your own? Yes, dear, my affection is neither mean nor
grasping; it is one of those which will never let any annoyance last
long enough to pucker the brow of the child it worships. What can you
think of the companion of your childhood, Honorine, if you believe
him capable of accepting kisses given in trembling, of living between
delight and anxiety? Do not fear that you will be exposed to the laments
of a suppliant passion; I would not want you back until I felt certain
of my own strength to leave you in perfect freedom.
“‘Your solitary pride has exaggerated the difficulties. You may, if you
will, look on at the life of a brother, or of a father, without either
suffering or joy; but you will find neither mockery nor indifference,
nor have any doubt as to his intentions. The warmth of the atmosphere
in which you live will be always equable and genial, without tempests,
without a possible squall. If, later, when you feel secure that you
are as much at home as in your own little house, you desire to try some
other elements of happiness, pleasures, or amusements, you can expand
their circle at your will. The tenderness of a mother knows neither
contempt nor pity. What is it? Love without desire. Well, in me
admiration shall hide every sentiment in which you might see an offence.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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