How to Observe: Morals and MannersMartineau, Harriet
Science
How to Observe: Morals and Manners
Martineau, Harriet
Manners and customs; Observation (Psychology); Social psychology -- Methodology
Marriage exists everywhere, to be studied by the moral observer. He must
watch the character of courtships wherever he goes;--whether the young
lady is negociated for and promised by her guardians, without having
seen her intended; like the poor girl who, when she asked her mother to
point out her future husband from among a number of gentlemen, was
silenced with the rebuke, "What is that to you?"--or whether they are
left free to exchange their faith "by flowing stream, through wood, or
craggy wild," as in the United States;--or whether there is a medium
between these two extremes, as in England. He must observe how fate is
defied by lovers in various countries. We have seen what was the
acquiescence of Philip and Hannah in their eternal separation. None but
Moravians, perhaps, would have so parted for ever. Scotch lovers agree
to come together after so many years spent in providing the
"plenishing." Irish lovers conclude the business, in case of difficulty,
by appearing before the priest the next morning. There is recourse to a
balcony and rope-ladder in one country; a steam-boat and back-settlement
in another; trust and patience in a third; and intermediate
flirtations, to pass the time, in a fourth. He must note the degree of
worldly ambition which attends marriages, and which may therefore be
supposed to stimulate them,--how much space the house with two rooms in
humble life, and the country-seat and carriages in higher life, occupy
in the mind of bride or bridegroom.--He must observe whether conjugal
infidelity excites horror and rage, or whether it is so much a matter of
course as that no jealousy interferes to mar the arrangements of mutual
convenience.--He must mark whether women are made absolutely the
property of their husbands, in mind and in estate; or whether the wife
is treated more or less professedly as an equal party in the
agreement.--He must observe whether there is an excluded class, victims
to their own superstition or to a false social obligation, wandering
about to disturb by their jealousy or licentiousness those whose lot is
happier.--He must observe whether there are domestic arrangements for
home enjoyments, or whether all is planned on the supposition of
pleasure lying abroad; whether the reliance is on books, gardens, and
play with children, or on the opera, parties, the ale-house, or dances
on the green.--He must mark whether the ladies are occupied with their
household cares in the morning, and the society of their husbands in the
evening, or with embroidery and looking out of balconies; with receiving
company all day, or gadding abroad; with the library or the nursery;
with lovers or with children.--In each country, called civilized, he
will meet with almost all these varieties: but in each there is such a
prevailing character in the aspect of domestic life, that intelligent
observation will enable him to decide, without much danger of mistake,
as to whether marriage is merely an arrangement of convenience, in
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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