No sooner did the Knight perceive her, 115 But straight he fell into a fever, Inflam'd all over with disgrace, To be seen by her in such a place; Which made him hang his head, and scoul, And wink, and goggle like an owl. 120 He felt his brains begin to swim, When thus the dame accosted him: This place (quoth she) they say's enchanted, And with delinquent spirits haunted, That here are ty'd in chains, and scourg'd, 125 Until their guilty crimes be purg'd. Look, there are two of them appear, Like persons I have seen somewhere. Some have mistaken blocks and posts For spectres, apparitions, ghosts, 130 With saucer eyes, and horns; and some Have heard the Devil beat a drum: But if our eyes are not false glasses, That give a wrong account of faces, That beard and I should be acquainted, 135 Before 'twas conjur'd or enchanted; For though it be disfigur'd somewhat, As if 't had lately been in combat, It did belong to a worthy Knight Howe'er this goblin has come by't. 140 When HUDIBRAS the Lady heard Discoursing thus upon his beard, And speak with such respect and honour, Both of the beard and the beard's owner, He thought it best to set as good 145 A face upon it as he cou'd, And thus he spoke: Lady, your bright And radiant eyes are in the right: The beard's th' identic beard you knew, The same numerically true: 150 Nor is it worn by fiend or elf, But its proprietor himself. O, heavens! quoth she, can that be true? I do begin to fear 'tis you: Not by your individual whiskers, 155 But by your dialect and discourse, That never spoke to man or beast In notions vulgarly exprest. But what malignant star, alas Has brought you both to this sad pass? 160 Quoth he, The fortune of the war, Which I am less afflicted for, Than to be seen with beard and face, By you in such a homely case. Quoth she, Those need not he asham'd 165 For being honorably maim'd, If he that is in battle conquer'd, Have any title to his own beard; Though yours be sorely lugg'd and torn, It does your visage more adorn 170 Than if 'twere prun'd, and starch'd, and lander'd, And cut square by the Russian standard. A torn beard's like a tatter'd ensign, That's bravest which there are most rents in. That petticoat about your shoulders 175 Does not so well become a souldier's; And I'm afraid they are worse handled Although i' th' rear; your beard the van led; And those uneasy bruises make My heart for company to ake, 180 To see so worshipful a friend I' th' pillory set, at the wrong end.