Humoresque: A Laugh on Life with a Tear Behind ItHurst, Fannie
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Humoresque: A Laugh on Life with a Tear Behind It
Hurst, Fannie
Fiction; Short stories, American
"There's Moe Marx from Kansas City just coming in! Spy the blonde he's
with, will you? I guess Moe is used to that from home, nix! There's a
firm, Marx-Jastrow, made a mint last year."
"Look!"
The lights had sunk down, the sea of faces receding into fog. The buzz
died, too, and doors were swung against the steady shuffle of incomers.
From behind the curtains a chime tonged roundly and in one key.
One--two--three--four--five--six--seven--eight--nine--ten--eleven
--twelve!
Then the orange curtains parted and on a gilded dais the width of the
room, in startling relief against a purple circle the size of a tower
clock, the Old Year, hoar on his beard and with limbs that shivered in
an attitude of abdication, held out an hourglass to a pink-legged cherub
with a gold band in his or her short curls.
A shout went up and a great clanging of forks against frail glass, the
pop of corks and the quick fizz ensuing. The curtains closed and the
lights flashed up. Time had just sailed another knot into space, and
who cared?
At a center table a woman's slipper was already going the rounds. It
began to sag and wine to ooze through the brocade.
"Well, Hermie, here's a happy New Year to you!"
"And to you, Sam, and many of 'em!"
"To ma and Etta and grandma!"
"To Kahn, Loeb & Schulien!"
"To Kahn, Loeb & Schulien and that to this time next year we got the
Men's Clothing Annex."
They drank in solemn libation.
The curtains had parted again. A Pierrot, chalky white, whistled in
three registers, soprano, bass, and baser. A row of soubrettes rollicked
in and out again in a flash of bushy skirts.
"Say, look at the third one from this end with the black curls all
bobbing. I'm for her!"
"Where?"
"Gone now!"
Mr. Kahn leaned across his singing glass, his eye quickened into a wink.
"Old man, you can pull that woman-hater stuff on the home folks, but it
takes your brother-in-law to lead you to the live ones. Eh?"
"You dry up," said Mr. Loeb, peering between the halves of a sandwich.
On a glass runway built over the heads of the assembled, a crystal aisle
for satin feet, the row of soubrettes suddenly appeared, peering over
the crystal rail, singing down upon the sea of marcelled, bald, and dead
heads. Men, sheepish of their smiles but with the small heels overhead
clanging like castanets into their spirits, dared to glance up.
"Gad, Herman! What'll they think up next? Whatta you know about
that--all those little devils dancing right over our heads!"
"There she is!"
"Who?"
"The little one in the boy's black-satin suit, with the black curls
bobbing!"
"Watch out, Herm! You'll die of crick in the neck."
"I don't see any blinkers on you!"
"Hey, old man! Your mouth's open."
"I know. I opened it," said Mr. Loeb, his head back and eyes that were
suddenly bold staring up at the twinkling aisle.
At a table adjoining, a man reached up, flecking one of the tiny
black-satin feet with a whirl of his napkin.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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