A Man being cold [12.] In's Boots, was so bold, To stand near the fire for remedy; You'l burn your Spurs, says _Jane_, My Boots sure you mean; No, Sir, they are burnt already. [26.] A Scholar coming home from _Cambridge_ to his Father, his Father askt him what he had learnt? Why Father, says he, I'll prove that this Capon is better than the blessing of God. How Zon, says he, come, let's hear it; Why thus, Father, says he, nothing you know is better than the blessing of God, and this Leg of the Capon is better than Nothing: Ergo. [52.] In London dwelt a mad conceited fellow, which with his wit lived with Gallants and domineered with good fellowes. Not very long agoe, in Hay-harvest, he gets a Pitchforke on his neck, went forth towards Islington in the morning, and meets with two loads of Hay, comming towards the City to be sold: for the which hee bargained with them that owned the same, for thirty shillings. But whither shall wee bring them? quoth they. To the Swanne by Smithfield, said hee. And so went his way, and left them: then to the Swan he went, to the good man of the house, and asked if he would buy two loades of Hay? Yes, quoth the Inne keeper, where be they? Here they come, quoth he. What shall I pay, quoth the In-keeper? Foure Nobles[F. 113] a load, quoth the Make-shift. But at the last they agreed for twenty shillings. When they were come, he bad them unload the Hay. So while they were unloading of it, hee came to the Inne-holder, and said, I pray you let me have my money: for while my men unload, I will buy some stuffe to have home with me. The Inne-holder was content, and gave him money, and so hee went away. When the men had unloaded their Hay they came and demanded their money. I have paid your Master (quoth the Inne holder). What Master? quoth they. Marry, quoth hee, he that bad you bring the Hay hither. Wee know him not quoth they. Nor I neither, quoth hee, but with him I bargained, and him have I paid; with you I meddled not, and therefore go seeke him if you will. And so the poore men were cozened. [Footnote 113: A noble was 6s. 8d.] [72.] [Illustration: A BOVLSTER LECTVRE. "Dum Loquor icta taces." "Surdu canis." _This_ wife _a wondrous racket meanes to keepe_, _While th'_Husband _seemes to sleepe but do'es not sleepe:_ _But she might full as well her_ Lecture _smother_, _For ent'ring one Eare, it goes out at t'other_. ] The accompanying quaint illustration shows the antiquity of "Mrs. Caudle's Curtain Lectures."[F. 114] [Footnote 114: At p. 107 the very phrase is mentioned, "These need not feare to have their shoulders besprinkled with _Zantippee's_ livery; or to have their breakfast chang'd into a Morning _Curtaine Lecture_."]