_Argument needless, It being a Thorow Farce very well known--_ [75.] _Actors Names._ Acteon, three Huntsmen, Bumpkin, three Country Wenches. _Enter first Huntsman, and Bumkin._ _1. Hunt._ Why, what's the matter? _Bump._ Nay, I know not; but every day my great Guts, and my small Guts make such a Combustion in my belly, as passes, and my Puddings, (like Lances) run a-tilt at my heart, and make me queasie-stomacht. _1 Hunt._ Canst thou not guess the reason of this trouble? _Bump._ Yes, I think I can, and I'le be judged by thee, if my case be not desperate. I have a horrible mind to be in love. _1 Hunt._ With whom? _Bump._ With any body; but I cannot find out the way how to be in Love. _1. Hunt._ Why? I'le instruct thee: Cans't thou be melancholly? _Bump._ Yes, as a Dog, or a Hog-louse; I could even find it in my heert to cry presently. _1. Hunt._ Canst thou sleep well? _Bump._ I cannot tell, I never saw myself sleep. _1. Hunt._ Is't possible that thou so long been an attendant upon my Lord Acteon, shoulds't be to learn the way to be in love. _Bump._ I would it were not possible, on the condition thou wert hang'd and quartered. _1 Hunt._ I thank you, Sir. But _Bumpkin_ list to me; This day thou knows't the Maids and Young men meet to sport, and revel it about the May pole: Present thy self there, tell thy cause of grief, and I dare warrant thee a Sweet-heart presently. _Bump._ If thou cans't do that, Ile marry her first and learn to love her afterwards. _1 Hunt._ Hast hither, _Bumpkin_ I'le go on before (_Exit_) _Bump._ And I will follow thee a dog trot. Is it not a pitty: that a man of Authority as I am, having been chief Dog-Keeper to my Lord Acteon this five years, being a man so comely of person, and having such a pure complexion, that all fair Ladies may be ashamed to look on me, and that I should be distressed for a Sweet-heart? Maypole I come. And if the Wenches there encrease my pains And scorn to love, i'le beat out all their brains. (_Exit_) _Enter Huntsmen with three Country Wenches._ _2. Co. Wench._ Is it possible would _Bumpkin_ be in love? _1 Hunt._ Yes, if he knew but how, and for that sickness I have undertaken to become his Doctor: For at the May Pole meeting 'tis decreed, a Sweet-heart must be purchast, come what will on't. _3. Co. Wench._ Nay, if he be distressed, twenty to one he may find charitable persons there. Come, strike up a _Farewel to Misfortune_. (_Exit_) _Enter Bumpkin._ _Bump._ That is a Dance that I could never hit of: pray desist a woile, and hear my doleful Tale. _1. Co. Wench._ He'l make us cry sure. _Bump._ Be it known unto all men by these presents---- _2. Co. Wench._ An Obligation, we will be no witnesses. _Bump._ Why then I'le hang my self. _3. Co. Wench._ We will be witness then.