English literature -- Early modern, 1500-1700; English wit and humor; Great Britain -- Civilization -- 17th century -- Literary collections
[77.] At _Salisbury_, _Tarlton_ & his fellowes were to play before
the Maior & his brethren: but one of his company (a yong man) was so
drunke, that he could not; whereat _Tarlton_, as mad angry, as he was
mad drunke, claps me on his legs a huge pair of bolts.[F. 140] The
fellow dead asleepe, felt nothing. When all was done, they convayed
him to the Jayle on a Man's back, and intreated the Jailer to doe
God good service, and let him lye there til he waked. While they were
about their sport, the felow waked, & finding himselfe in durance,
& the Jaile hung round with bolts and shackles, he began to blesse
himselfe, & thought sure in his drunkennesse hee had done some
mischiefe. With this hee called to know, but none came to him; then
hee thought verily his fault was capitall, and that hee was close
prisoner. By and by comes the Keeper, and mooved him, that one so yong
should come to so shamefull a death as hanging. Anon, another comes,
and another with the like, which further put him in a puzzle. But
at last comes _Tarlton_ and others, intreating the Keeper, yet if it
might bee, that they might see their fellow ere they went. But hee
very hardly was intreated. But at length the poore drunken Signior
cald out for them. In they come. Oh _Tom_, saies _Tarlton_, hard was
thy hap, in drunkennes to murder this honest man, and our hard hap
too, to have it reported, any of our company is hang'd for it. O God,
O God saies the fellow, is my fault so great? then commend me to all
my friends. Well, short tale to make, the fellow forswore drunkennes,
if hee could escape, and by as cunning a wile (to his thinking) they
got him out of prison by an escape, and sent him to London before, who
was not a little glad to be gone. But see how this iest wrought: by
little and little the fellow left his excessive drinking, and in time
altered his desire of drunkennes.
[Footnote 140: Shackles or fetters.]
A Barber left handed [12.]
Trim'd so well, that he bandy'd[F. 141]
With all the Barbers in the _Strand_,
For he trims dextrously;[F. 142]
But that I deny,
'Cause he does it with his left hand.
[Footnote 141: Was at feud. _Minsheu_ gives its meaning "to
join in a faction" and its equivalent in French as "bander,"
"mutiner." _Fleming_ translates "bander" "to rise--to band
against one."]
[Footnote 142: Dexter, _Lat._, right hand.]
[17.] _John_ came to _Thomas_ his house to speak with him: but
_Thomas_ came to the door, and bid his Maid say he was not at home,
which _John_ overheard; Two or three days after, _Thomas_ came to
speak with _John_, and _John_ looks out a window, and told him he was
not at home: Why do you say so? do I not see you at home? Hey day,
says _John_, I believed your Maid you were not at home and you will
not believe me my own self.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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