It's said that they Acted not upon _Monday_, Something was wanting, and so they lost one day. They send unto _London_, what's lacking is gotten, And so on the next day, w'ye all things did cotten. The Prizes they took, were a Londoners groat, A Gentleman's size,[F. 143] but his skipkennel's[F. 144] pot. The Townsmen they let in for drink and good chear, The School boys for peace, and the Seamen for fear. On _Tuesday_ at three a clock I was we'e 'em, I kist their doorkeeper, and went in to see 'em. Being enter'd an Actor[F. 145] straight brought me a stool, Hee'd a held my cloak too, but I wa'nt such a fool. The first that appear'd, when I was come in, With her train to her ankles, was who but the Queen. She civilly made me a curtsy and straight, Retired to sit on her Fagots of state. Then in came the King with a Murtherous mind, Gainst his new married Queen, which when I did find, I call'd him a side, and whispering in's Ear, Desired him to fetch me a Flagon of Bear. There's twelve pence, said I, take the rest for your pains, Your Servant said he, Sir, sweet Mr _Haines_. His Majesty, faith, I must needs say was civil, For he took up his Heels, and ran for't like a Devil. Meantime I addrest myself to his Bride, And took her unto the tireing House side; A hay loft it was which at a dead lift, Instead of a better serv'd then for a shift. But mark the Fate of her Civility, The Players did rant both at her and me: And therefore because for fear she'd be lack'd I ordred the Drummer to beat a long Act. He beat and he beat, but no Queen appear'd, He beat till at length the house was all clear'd: By my Troath a sad loss, but to make 'em amends, I threw 'em a Crown, and we were all Friends: And so this Renowned History ends. [Footnote 143: Sixpence--the 6 on dice being called "size."] [Footnote 144: Footman or footboy.] [Footnote 145: This is an allusion to the custom of the gallants sitting on stools on the stage, so frequently spoken of by the dramatists of the sixteenth century. Indeed Queen Anne found it necessary to issue two proclamations forbidding people other than actors to go on the stage.] [52.] A Gentleman upon a time having a man that could write and read well, rebuked him one day for idlenesse, saying, If I had nothing to do, like thee, I would to recreate my wit, set down all the fooles I knew. The fellow, making little answer, tooke his pen and inke, and as his Master had wished him, fell to setting down a Catalogue of the fooles that he was well acquainted with: among whom, and first of all, he set down his Master, who, reading his name, would needs know the nature of his folly; Marry, quoth he, In lending your Cozen twenty pound this other day: for I think he will never pay you. Yea but (quoth his Master) what if he do pay me? Then (quoth his man) I will put out your name, and put down his for a foole.