[26.] A Man being very much diseas'd and weak, was bemoaning himself to his only Son, whom he lov'd very well. For, _Jack_, says he, if I stand, my Legs ake, if I kneel my Knees ake, if I go, my Feet ake, if I lie then my Back akes, if I sit my Hips ake, if I lean, my Elbows ake. Why truly, Father, says he, (like a good dutiful Child) I advise you, Father, to hang yourself an hour or two, and if that does not do, then come to me again. [67.] A Scholer being at a Parson's house, stole a Pig; the Parson looking out at his window, spied him and said, Scholer, Scholer, I'le none of that. Noe more you shall, quoth y^e Scholer, and ran away with it. [82.] A Nobleman of France (as hee was riding) met with a yeoman of the Country, to whom he said, My friend, I should know thee, I doe remember I have often seene thee: My good Lord, said the Countryman, I am one of your Honors poore tenants, and my name is T. I. I remember thee better now (said my Lord) there were two brothers of you, but one is dead, I pray which of you doth remaine alive. The aforesaid Nobleman having had a Harper that was blinde playing to him after supper, somewhat late, at last hee arose, and commanded one of his servants to light the Harper downe the staires: to whom the Serving man sayd, my Lord, the Harper is blind; thou ignorant knave, quoth my Lord, he hath the more need of light. [105.] When that _Scogin_ had taught his scholler that hee with helpe might be Sub deacon, he said to him, thou shalt goe to take orders, and I will go with thee. And if thou dost stand in any doubt, take heed to my booke, and give an eare to me, and I will helpe thee as much as I can. When all they that should take orders, were come to oppositions, _Scogin_ did come forth with his scholler. And the Ordinary did oppose him with a verse of the Psalter; which was this, _Moab, Agareni, Gebal, Amon & Amalek, cum habitantibus Tirum_. _Scogins_ scholler was blanke or amazed. Sir, said _Scogin_ to the Ordinary, you shall understand that _Moab, Agareni, Gebal, Amon & Amalek, cum habitantibus Tirum_, were unhappy fellowes, for they did trouble the children of Israel, and if they trouble my scholler, it is no marvell: but now I doe tell thee, my scholler, be not afraid of _Moab, Agareni, Gebal, Amon & Amalek, cum habitantibus Tirum_, for I will stand beside to comfort thee, for _Moab, Agareni &c_ can do thee no harm for they be dead. By reason that _Scogin_ did so oft repeate these words, the scholler did reade this verse aforesaid: and through _Scogins_ promise, the Ordinary was content that his scholler should take Orders, and be Sub deacon. After this when the orders were given againe, _Scogin_ did speake to his schollers Father, to send in a letter three or foure peeces of gold. The Schollers Father was content so to doe; so that his son might be Deacon. Then said _Scogin_ to his scholler, thou shalt deliver this letter to the Ordinary, when he doth