An aged Gentleman sore sick did lie, [51.] Expecting life, that could not chuse but die: His Foole came to him, and intreated thus. Good Maister, ere you goe away from us, Bestowe on _Jacke_ (that oft hath made you laffe) Against he waxeth old, your Walking-Staffe,-- I will, (quoth he) goe take it, there it is: But on condition, _Jacke_, which shall be this, If thou doe meete with any while thou live, More foole than thou, the Staffe thou shalt him give. Maister, (sayd he) upon my life I will; But I doe hope that I shall keepe it still. When Death drew neere, and faintness did proceed, His Maister called for a Devine with speed, For to prepare him unto Heaven's way. The Foole starts up, and hastily did say, Oh Maister, Maister, take your Staffe againe, That proove your selfe the most Foole of us twaine; Have you now liv'd some foure-score yeares and odd, And all this time, are unprepared for God: What greater Foole can any meete withall, Than one that's ready in the Grave to fall, And is to seeke about his soules estate, When Death is op'ning of the Prison Gate? Beare Witnesse friends, that I discharge me plaine; Heere Maister, heere, receive your Staffe againe: Upon the same condition I did take it, According as you will'd me, I forsake it: And over and above, I will bestow, This Epitaph, which shall your folly show. _Heere lyes a man, at death did Heaven clayme_, _But in his life, he never sought the same_. [26.] A Lady in this Kingdom hearing that a Lady, that was a Person of Quality, did much long for Oysters, she then sent a Foot-man of hers, that was an _Irish_ Man, to the said Lady with a Barrel of Oysters, and as he was going, he met an Arch Wag by the way, who askt him whither he was going? Then he told him: "O. _Donniel_, says he, you must gut them before you go, or else they will Poyson the Lady; I Predde,[F. 102] says he, show me how to do it. So the Fellow took them and opened them, and took out all the Oysters and put them into a Wooden Dish that was by, and then put all the Shells again into the Barrell: _Now_, says he, _you may carry them, for they are all gutted_: _E. Fait_,[F. 103] said _Donniel_, _for this kindness, I'll give thee a pint of Wine out of the Vails that I shall have of my Lady_: but I know not how they were accepted. [Footnote 102: Ay, prithee.] [Footnote 103: I'faith.] A man found his Wife [12.] To be idle all her Life, Then he beat her very sore; I did nothing, says she, I know it, says he, Which makes me to beat you therefore. [32.] What is that no man would have, and yet when he hath it, will not forgoe it? _Solution._ It is a broken head, or such like, for no man would gladly have a broken head, and yet when he hath it, he would be loth to loose his head, though it be broken. To be indebted is a shame men say [5.] Then 'tis confessing of a shame to pay.