I went out to the ante-room, and sat down. If I were lucky enough to
get anything written, it would have perforce to be here where it was
quiet. It was no longer the allegory that occupied me; I had got a new
idea, a perfectly splendid plot; I would compose a one-act drama--"The
Sign of the Cross." Subject taken from the Middle Ages. I had
especially thought out everything in connection with the principal
characters: a magnificently fanatical harlot who had sinned in the
temple, not from weakness or desire, but for hate against heaven;
sinner right at the foot of the altar, with the altar-cloth under her
head, just out of delicious contempt for heaven.
I grew more and more obsessed by this creation as the hours went on.
She stood at last, palpably, vividly embodied before my eyes, and was
exactly as I wished her to appear. Her body was to be deformed and
repulsive, tall, very lean, and rather dark; and when she walked, her
long limbs should gleam through her draperies at every stride she took.
She was also to have large outstanding ears. Curtly, she was nothing
for the eye to dwell upon, barely endurable to look at. What interested
me in her was her wonderful shamelessness, the desperately full measure
of calculated sin which she had committed. She really occupied me too
much, my brain was absolutely inflated by this singular monstrosity of
a creature, and I worked for two hours, without a pause, at my drama.
When I had finished half-a score of pages, perhaps twelve, often with
much effort, at times with long intervals, in which I wrote in vain and
had to tear the page in two, I had become tired, quite stiff with cold
and fatigue, and I arose and went out into the street. For the last
half-hour, too, I had been disturbed by the crying of the children
inside the family room, so that I could not, in any case, have written
any more just then. So I took a long time up over Drammensveien, and
stayed away till the evening, pondering incessantly, as I walked along,
as to how I would continue my drama. Before I came home in the evening
of this day, the following happened:
I stood outside a shoemaker's shop far down in Carl Johann Street,
almost at the railway square. God knows why I stood just outside this
shoemaker's shop. I looked into the window as I stood there, but did
not, by the way, remember that I needed shoes then; my thoughts were
far away in other parts of the world. A swarm of people talking
together passed behind my back, and I heard nothing of what was said.
Then a voice greeted me loudly:
"Good-evening."
It was "Missy" who bade me good-evening! I answered at random, I looked
at him, too, for a while, before I recognized him.
"Well, how are you getting along?" he inquired.
"Oh, always well ... as usual."
"By the way, tell me," said he, "are you, then, still with Christie?"
"Christie?"
"I thought you once said you were book-keeper at Christie's?"
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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