Jewish fiction; Jews -- New York (State) -- New York -- Fiction; Lower East Side (New York, N.Y.) -- Fiction; Short stories
“Meshugeneh! Where--what? How come you to her? What will you say for
your reason?
“What’s the difference what I’ll say! I only want to give a look
on her ...”
And so I kept on restlessly debating. Should I follow my heart and go
to her, or should I have a little sense?
Finally the desire to see her became so strong that I could no longer
reason about it. I left the factory in the middle of the day to seek
her out.
All the way to her school I prayed: “God--God! If I could only find
one human soul that cared ...”
I found her bending over her desk. Her hair was gray, but she did not
look tired like the other teachers. She was correcting papers and was
absorbed in her task. I watched her, not daring to interrupt. Presently
she threw back her head and gave a little laugh.
Then she saw me. “Why, how do you do?” She rose. “Come and sit
down.”
I felt she was as glad to see me as though she had expected me.
“I feel you can help me,” I groped toward her.
“I hope I can.” She grasped my outstretched hands and led me to a
chair which seemed to be waiting for me.
A strange gladness filled me.
“Bessie showed me the poem you told her to learn ...” I paused
bewildered.
“Yes?” Her friendly eyes urged me to speak.
“From what Bessie told me I felt I could talk myself out to you
what’s bothering me.” I stopped again.
She leaned forward with an inviting interest. “Go on! Tell me all.”
“I’m an immigrant many years already here, but I’m still
seeking America. My dream America is more far from me than it was
in the old country. Always something comes between the immigrant
and the American,” I went on blindly. “They see only his skin,
his outside--not what’s in his heart. They don’t care if he has a
heart.... I wanted to find some one that would look on me--myself ... I
thought you’d know yourself on a person first off.”
Abashed at my boldness I lowered my eyes to the floor.
“Do go on ... I want to hear.”
With renewed courage I continued my confessional.
“Life is too big for me. I’m lost in this each-for-himself world. I
feel shut out from everything that’s going on.... I’m always
fighting--fighting--with myself and everything around me.... I hate
when I want to love and I make people hate me when I want to make them
love me.”
She gave me a quick nod. “I know--I know what you mean. Go on.”
“I don’t know what is with me the matter. I’m so choked....
Sundays and holidays when the other girls go out to enjoy
themselves, I walk around by myself--thinking--thinking.... My thoughts
tear in me and I can’t tell them to no one! I want to do something
with my life and I don’t know what.”
“I’m glad you came,” she said. And after a pause, “You can help
me.”
“Help you?” I cried. It was the first time that an American
suggested that I could help her.
“Yes, indeed! I have always wanted to know more of that mysterious
vibrant life--the immigrant. You can help me know my girls.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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