Very contented with himself he felt as the car swung across the Clyde
bridge. He had done well--but of that he did not want to think, for the
whole beastly thing was over. He was going to bury that memory, to be
resurrected perhaps on a later day when the unpleasantness had been
forgotten. Heritage had his address, and knew where to come when it was
time to claim the jewels. As for the watchers, they must have ceased to
suspect him, when they discovered the innocent contents of his knapsack
and Mrs. Morran's box. Home for him, and a luxurious tea by his own
fireside; and then an evening with his books, for Heritage's nonsense
had stimulated his literary fervour. He would dip into his old
favourites again to confirm his faith. To-morrow he would go for a jaunt
somewhere--perhaps down the Clyde, or to the South of England, which he
had heard was a pleasant, thickly peopled country. No more lonely inns
and deserted villages for him; henceforth he would make certain of
comfort and peace.
The rain had stopped, and, as the car moved down the dreary vista of
Eglinton Street, the sky opened into fields of blue and the April sun
silvered the puddles. It was in such place and under such weather that
Dickson suffered an overwhelming experience.
It is beyond my skill, being all unlearned in the game of
psycho-analysis, to explain how this thing happened. I concern myself
only with facts. Suddenly the pretty veil of self-satisfaction was rent
from top to bottom, and Dickson saw a figure of himself within, a smug
leaden little figure which simpered and preened itself and was hollow as
a rotten nut. And he hated it.
The horrid truth burst on him that Heritage had been right. He only
played with life. That imbecile image was a mere spectator, content to
applaud, but shrinking from the contact of reality. It had been all
right as a provision merchant, but when it fancied itself capable of
higher things it had deceived itself. Foolish little image with its
brave dreams and its swelling words from Browning! All make-believe of
the feeblest. He was a coward, running away at the first threat of
danger. It was as if he were watching a tall stranger with a wand
pointing to the embarrassed phantom that was himself, and ruthlessly
exposing its frailties! And yet the pitiless showman was himself
too--himself as he wanted to be, cheerful, brave, resourceful,
indomitable.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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