The little parlor was still. Mrs. Hammond never kept her maid up to
assist in her disrobing, if she intended remaining out until a late
hour. Nurse and child were quiet in the adjacent nursery. Closing
the door of communication, Sarah stripped her hair and arms of their
ornaments; took off her diamond pin, then her rings, and laid them
away in her jewelry case; divested herself of her rich dress, and drew
from her wardrobe a plain, dark wrapper, which she put on. Next she
sat down at her writing-desk, selected a sheet of paper, and wrote a
single line--when a thought struck her, and she stopped. A momentary
irresolution ended in her tearing off a strip containing what she had
penned, and holding it in the flame of the lamp until it was consumed.
"Best not! best not!" she muttered. "Doubt may bring comfort to the one
or two who will need it. Let them doubt! Save appearances if you can,
my poor mother would say." A smile of unutterable scorn glimmered over
her face. She pushed away the desk and walked to the window.
From the distant ball-room the throbbing waves of music still rolled
past on the summer air, and blent with them was the solemn undertone
of the surf. Did men call its mighty voice a monotone? To her it was
eloquent of many and awful things--not frightful. What was there of
terror in thoughts of rest, endless sleep, rocked for ages by the
rising and falling tide, hushed into dreamless repose by the music of
the billows? No more of a vain and wearisome life; no more baffled
aspirations and crushed affections; no more disheartening attempts
to find and reach the right--to follow in the steep, rugged path of
duty, and shun the easy, alluring way to which heart and memory were
ever pointing; no more of stern rebuke and sneering taunt; no more
galled pride and outraged womanhood; no more lying gayety, smiles, and
repartee, when the spirit was writhing in impotent agony, longing to
shriek out its intensity of woe! Only sleep, rest, peace!
"Sleep! rest peace!" She gasped the words feverishly, as they seemed
to come to her on the breeze. Might she not seek these now! now!
Not yet! The grounds, the beach were still populous with groups of
strollers. She would be seen--perhaps recognized--probably frustrated
in her purpose. Leaning her head against the casement, she sat there an
hour--not debating, still less wavering in her resolve, only waiting
until flight would be safe--and thinking! thinking! thinking! until her
brain whirled.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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