homeward, with a beef-steak on a wooden skewer, or a fresh fish, with a
piece of tarred twine run through its gills. In the evening he rocks
the cradle, and gets up in the night when the child cries. Like a Goth,
of the Dark Ages, he consults his wife on all mighty matters, and looks
upon her as a being of more than human goodness and wisdom. In short,
the ladies all say he is a very domestic man, and makes a good husband;
which, under the rose, is only a more polite way of saying he is
hen-pecked. He is a Happy Man. I have another dear friend, who is a
sexagenary bachelor. He has one of those well-oiled dispositions, which
turn upon the hinges of the world without creaking. The hey-day of life
is over with him; but his old age is sunny and chirping; and a merry
heart still nestles in his tottering frame, like a swallow that builds
in a tumble-down chimney. He is a professed Squire of Dames. The rustle
of a silk gown is music to his ears, and his imagination is
continuallylantern-led by some will-with-a-wisp in the shape of a
lady's stomacher. In his devotion to the fair sex,--the muslin, as he
calls it,--he is the gentle flower of chivalry. It is amusing to see
how quick he strikes into the scent of a lady's handkerchief. When once
fairly in pursuit, there is no such thing as throwing him out. His
heart looks out at his eye; and his inward delight tingles down to the
tail of his coat. He loves to bask in the sunshine of a smile; when he
can breathe the sweet atmosphere of kid gloves and cambric
handkerchiefs, his soul is in its element; and his supreme delight is
to pass the morning, to use his own quaint language, 'in making dodging
calls, and wiggling round among the ladies!' He is a lucky dog!"
"And as a specimen of the class of Miserable Wretches, I suppose you
will take me," said Flemming, making an effort to enter into his
friend's humor. "Certainly I am wretched enough. You may make me the
stuffed bear,--the specimen of this class."
"By no means," replied Berkley; "you are not reduced so low. He only is
utterly wretched, who is the slave of his own passions, or those of
others. This, I trust, will never be your condition. Why so wan and
pale, fond lover? Do you remember Sir John Suckling's Song?
'Why so wan and pale, fond lover;
Pr'ythee why so pale?
Will, if looking well can't move her,
Looking ill prevail?
Pr'ythee why so pale?
'Why so dull and mute, young sinner;
Pr'ythee why so mute?
Will, if speaking well can't win her,
Saying nothing do 't?
Pr'ythee why so mute?
'Quit, quit, for shame! this cannot move,
This cannot take her!
If of herself she do not love,
Nothing will make her!
The devil take her!'
How do you like that?"
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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