As I sit down to write this paper I am experiencing a quite novel
sensation. Most of us like to talk about ourselves when any one will
listen, and nearly all of us do so now and then. But to write about
one’s self in the reasonable expectation that a large number of
people, friends, enemies and those who are indifferent, will read what
one has written, is curious. There have been times when an interviewer
has come from a Magazine and I have found myself trying to explain my
views, to answer questions that were put, with some degree of fluency,
to do myself justice and yet not to be egotistical in a somewhat
difficult situation. Knowing quite well what I wanted to say, and
exactly how I wished to explain myself, I have listened to my words
with a kind of embarrassed wonder at their inadequacy. “What an ass
this fellow must be thinking me!” has been one’s continual thought.
Then, when the interview appears, sometimes with pictures of “Mr. Guy
Thorne at his desk,” “the dining-room,” “shooting upon the moor,” one
finds that the writer has made a nice smooth sequence of the
conversation, just as the photographer has taken charming pictures of
one’s carefully-arranged furniture. Yet one was rather prevented from
really saying what one would have liked to say because of the
interviewer’s presence as the medium who was to give the words to the
public. This is a foolish self-consciousness, no doubt, but it is not
easy to overcome. Now, and at this moment, there is no such
restriction upon free speech. The snow is driving over the Dover
cliffs, no sound penetrates to the ancient room in which I write, and
for the first time in my life I am sitting down to talk of myself, as
an author to his readers.
The essay has come to be written in this way. There were still some
pages of this book to fill when last week, I was asked to open a
bazaar in Dover. The vicar said a good many absurdly kind things about
my stories when he introduced me to the people there, and afterwards I
had to stand a continuous fire of questions for two hours. I could not
understand, and I do not now understand, why any one should be
interested in the _personal_ explanations of a writer as to how he
writes, what happens when he is writing, and so forth. I do not often
go to a theatre, but when I do I never buy a programme. I don’t want
to know the private name of the lady who plays Ophelia or the
gentleman who is the Hamlet of the night. I pay my money in order that
they shall be Hamlet and Ophelia to me, that I shall watch the agonies
of a dark and troubled spirit, shall sigh over the tender fancies of
an unhappy love-sick girl, and the more I am forced to realize that
the gentleman is Mr. Jones, who was fined five pounds in the morning
for driving his motor-car too fast, the less real he is as the Prince.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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