I, Mary MacLane: A Diary of Human DaysMacLane, Mary
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I, Mary MacLane: A Diary of Human Days
MacLane, Mary
MacLane, Mary, 1881-1929; Montana -- Biography; Women authors, American -- Biography
More often my Child is the little girl six years old of the shy eyes
and the sun-kissed hair and the firm child-mouth, full of high temper
and strong will. All over her is need and demand of her mother to
guard and adore and cherish her every moment of her life. We are
together in a country field with oak-trees in it, and poplars, and
daisies and bluebells and other field-flowers, and it is overgrown
with long coarse fragrant wild grass. The noonday sun is bright-hot
and I bring my Child there to dry her hair, for I have newly washed
it with a square of white soap and a porcelain bluebird bowl: the
feel of her small round wilful head was marvelously fulfilling in
my cupped hands. She wanders around in the hot-brightness through
the tall grass, gathering the hardy scentless field-flowers with
her little brown fingers, and she shakes back her beautiful thick
short damp curls. I sit on a flat stone like a Sioux squaw and watch
her. The grass brushes her bare legs: the magic sun mixed with a
faint cool breeze plays upon her head: the tragic delicate music of
rustling poplar leaves comes down from tree-tops and catches her
in a fairy song-net. She is always very new, very incredible, my
Child. She looks toward me with her shy radiant eyes and she says,
‘Mother, look, my hair is nearly dry.’ Her hair is thick and heavy.
In my experienced subdued mother-wisdom I know it will not be dry for
an hour. I feel the damp of her hair rheumishly keen all over me: a
menacingness for me to guard her from: a dear anxiety: an ancient
mother-note in the long human gamut of sounds.
--it is precious wearing racking colorful romance to be her mother:
each mother-day holds gold-and-blue foreboding: each mother-day
holds thin insistent gold-and-purple sorrows: each mother-day holds
deep gold-and-gray care, incessant and absolute: an aching wealth
of beauty: no more but no less than the damp of her hair in the
noonday field. _My_ Child!--herself incessant and absolute: warm pure
palpitant gold-of-my-life--
Someway realer than books I read and walks I take my Child clamors to
be born.
My Child will never be born to any other woman. While she hovers and
flutters on the edge of Mist-and-Silver--a border edge--there are
ten million fertile hot milk-teeming bodies of women each ready to
gather her in and wrap her in delicate-sweet flesh. Ten million other
children hovering on the edge will drop off into the ten million
matrix-cups--each woman mysteriously a fitting mother so only she
wants her baby--though she be, besides, a thief or a traitor or a
weakling or a murderer or a harlot or a drunkard or a fool.
Let them come, the ten million. The chrysalid children are clamoring,
clamoring always for their birth: a wide ‘melody unheard.’
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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