I, Mary MacLane: A Diary of Human DaysMacLane, Mary
General
I, Mary MacLane: A Diary of Human Days
MacLane, Mary
MacLane, Mary, 1881-1929; Montana -- Biography; Women authors, American -- Biography
An Italian organ-grinder grinding out his loud fierce music
in a long deep New York side-street is a human organ-grinder:
he bestows his rasped melody widely on everybody in ear-shot,
not individually--since all around him is a spreading world of
strangers--but jointly. So it feels-like.
A beggar-woman at a subway-entrance with a whine and a dirty face
and the deadly black cape and chicken-coopish beggar-odor is a human
beggar-woman. She throws out an inner savor of herself like a soiled
aura on all collectively who pass her. Each-and-all of New York by
tolerating and owning her partakes of her mean human essence.
A stout-hearted worn-bodied Jew factory girl working at a hard greasy
little machine day after day gives all New York her bit of young
virtue which is hardy and heroic and unaware: the whole Island of
looseness and vice has an equal gift of impregnable surprising sordid
purity thriving on sixes and sevens of poor dollars-a-week.
All of it is because New York is one Large Condition made of human
breaths and the worn scrapings of tired Youth rather than one large
town made of individuals and stone houses.
And in that is an odd enchantment for me who am born and grown in the
places of Half-fear with an old isolated whole fear always on me.
In New York I am a partaker of that smooth manna of humanness as I am
of the air and the sunshine and the little black specks of coal-soot:
partly from choice, partly willy-nilly, partly in the sweeping
unanalyzable pell-mell-ness of massed human nature.
And it is in New York I have those strangest things of all: human
friendships. Not many friendships and not of spent familiarities:
for I don’t like actual human beings too much around me. But yet
friendships made of the edges of thoughts and vivid pathos and
pregnant odds and ends of nervous human flesh and fire.
It is in New York I go to the apartment of a Friend at the end of
an afternoon. In the apartment are some persons having tea, men and
women. The Friend greets me at the door. She wears maybe a dress of
thin dark and light silk, shaped in the quaint outlandish fashion of
the hour. And she has shrewd kindly eyes like a Rembrandt portrait,
and a worn New-York-ish Latin-ish brain and heart both of which are
made of steel, sparkle and the very plain red meat of living. She
says, ‘Hello-Mary-Mac-Lane,’ and clasps my hand, and we exchange
a glance of no real understanding at all but suggesting warmed
challenge of personality, and an oblique sweet call of depth to
depth, and of friendship which by mere force of preference and of our
separate quality and _calibre_ is true rather than false. So close
and no closer may friendship be. And friendship, with-all, is closer
than any love. It is the closest human beings ever come to meeting.
In a New York doorway I, made in broad loneliness of self, get
suddenly companion-warmed at the little pleasant twisted fire of
someone else.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
Reviews
Reviews
No reviews yet
Be the first to share your thoughts on this work.
Elsewhere in the archive
Join the Discussion
Join the discussion
Sign in to leave a comment or review.
Sign InorCreate an account