But I hasten, says the traveller, to the palace of the Grand Duke,
whither I was happily led by my genius. The first Duke must have been as
large as the man two of whose teeth were dug up at Cambridge, each as
big as a man's head. On his tomb is an inscription. "I Omasius, Duke of
Fagonia, Lord, Victor, Prince and God lie here. No man shall say I
starved, shall pass by fasting, or salute me sober. Let him be my heir
who can, my subject who will, my enemy who dares. Farewell and Fatten."
After a description of the Island of Hunger, the traveller passes from
Pamphagonia to Yvronia, the other province of Crapulia.
These are among the laws of Yvronia:--A cup must be either full or
empty. Whoever takes or returns a cup half empty shall be guilty of
_lèse societé_. The sober man who hurts a drunkard, shall be cut off
from wine for ever: if he kill a drunkard, he shall die by thirst. To
walk from supper in a right line shall be criminal. He who adds water to
wine shall be degraded to the table of the dogs.
Yvronia having been described in seven chapters, the traveller in this
Other-and-Same World passes on to Viraginia, the land of the Viragoes.
This is Gynia Nova, miswritten New Guinea. The chief of its many
provinces is Linguadocia, in which Garrula is one of the famous cities.
In Viraginia the traveller was at once made prisoner, but permitted to
see the land after he had subscribed to certain articles, as, That in
word or deed he would work no ill to the nobler sex; That he would never
interpose a word when a woman was speaking; That wherever he might be he
would concede domestic rule to the woman; That he would never deny to a
wife any ornament of dress she looked at.
As to its form of government, the state seemed to be a democracy, in
which all governed and none obeyed. They settled affairs at public
meetings, in which all spoke and none listened; and they had a perpetual
Parliament.
The men in Viraginia are subject to the women. When a wife leaves her
house for any reason, she places the care of her husband under any other
woman of the household until she returns. A husband who survives his
wife, is married at once to his wife's maid, or goes into bondage to the
nearest mother of a family, because it is not permitted that any man
shall become master in his own house.
The women sit while the men serve, sleep when the men are roused to get
up, scold them when they complain, and beat them. That day is worthy to
be marked with a white stone to which men can say good-bye with a whole
skin.
Contrary to the custom with us, the women in Viraginia cut their hair
and let their nails grow. Some of them also practise with profit the
gymnastic art, so that they can make beautiful use of teeth, nails, and
heels. A nobler and more cleanly polished place is not to be seen than
Viraginia, where everything is washed, cooked and cared for by the men,
and there is nothing unbecoming but the garments of the men themselves.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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