Idle Ideas in 1905Jerome, Jerome K. (Jerome Klapka)
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Idle Ideas in 1905
Jerome, Jerome K. (Jerome Klapka)
English essays; English wit and humor
There is always a wind in Holland; it comes from over the sea. There is
nothing to stay its progress. It leaps the low dykes and sweeps with a
shriek across the sad, soft dunes, and thinks it is going to have a good
time and play havoc in the land. But the Dutchman laughs behind his
great pipe as it comes to him shouting and roaring. “Welcome, my hearty,
welcome,” he chuckles, “come blustering and bragging; the bigger you are
the better I like you.” And when it is once in the land, behind the
long, straight dykes, behind the waving line of sandy dunes, he seizes
hold of it, and will not let it go till it has done its tale of work.
The wind is the Dutchman’s; servant before he lets it loose again it has
turned ten thousand mills, has pumped the water and sawn the wood, has
lighted the town and worked the loom, and forged the iron, and driven the
great, slow, silent wherry, and played with the children in the garden.
It is a sober wind when it gets back to sea, worn and weary, leaving the
Dutchman laughing behind his everlasting pipe. There are canals in
Holland down which you pass as though a field of wind-blown corn; a soft,
low, rustling murmur ever in your ears. It is the ceaseless whirl of the
great mill sails. Far out at sea the winds are as foolish savages,
fighting, shrieking, tearing—purposeless. Here, in the street of mills,
it is a civilized wind, crooning softly while it labours.
What charms one in Holland is the neatness and cleanliness of all about
one. Maybe to the Dutchman there are drawbacks. In a Dutch household
life must be one long spring-cleaning. No milk-pail is considered fit
that cannot just as well be used for a looking-glass. The great brass
pans, hanging under the pent house roof outside the cottage door, flash
like burnished gold. You could eat your dinner off the red-tiled floor,
but that the deal table, scrubbed to the colour of cream cheese, is more
convenient. By each threshold stands a row of empty sabots, and
woe-betide the Dutchman who would dream of crossing it in anything but
his stockinged feet.
There is a fashion in sabots. Every spring they are freshly painted.
One district fancies an orange yellow, another a red, a third white,
suggesting purity and innocence. Members of the Smart Set indulge in
ornamentation; a frieze in pink, a star upon the toe. Walking in sabots
is not as easy as it looks. Attempting to run in sabots I do not
recommend to the beginner.
“How do you run in sabots?” I asked a Dutchman once. I had been
experimenting, and had hurt myself.
“We don’t run,” answered the Dutchman.
And observation has proved to me he was right. The Dutch boy, when he
runs, puts them for preference on his hands, and hits other Dutch boys
over the head with them as he passes.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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