Idle Ideas in 1905Jerome, Jerome K. (Jerome Klapka)
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Idle Ideas in 1905
Jerome, Jerome K. (Jerome Klapka)
English essays; English wit and humor
In most other European countries national costume is dying out. The
slop-shop is year by year extending its hideous trade. But the country
of Rubens and Rembrandt, of Teniers and Gerard Dow, remains still true to
art. The picture post-card does not exaggerate. The men in those
wondrous baggy knickerbockers, from the pockets of which you sometimes
see a couple of chicken’s heads protruding; in gaudy coloured shirts, in
worsted hose and mighty sabots, smoking their great pipes—the women in
their petticoats of many hues, in gorgeously embroidered vest, in
chemisette of dazzling white, crowned with a halo of many frills,
glittering in gold and silver—are not the creatures of an artist’s fancy.
You meet them in their thousands on holiday afternoons, walking gravely
arm in arm, flirting with sober Dutch stolidity.
On colder days the women wear bright-coloured capes made of fine spun
silk, from underneath the ample folds of which you sometimes hear a
little cry; and sometimes a little hooded head peeps out, regards with
preternatural thoughtfulness the toy-like world without, then dives back
into shelter. As for the children—women in miniature, the single
difference in dress being the gay pinafore—you can only say of them that
they look like Dutch dolls. But such plump, contented, cheerful little
dolls! You remember the hollow-eyed, pale-faced dolls you see swarming
in the great, big and therefore should be happy countries, and wish that
mere land surface were of less importance to our statesmen and our able
editors, and the happiness and well-being of the mere human items worth a
little more of their thought.
The Dutch peasant lives surrounded by canals, and reaches his cottage
across a drawbridge. I suppose it is in the blood of the Dutch child not
to tumble into a canal, and the Dutch mother never appears to anticipate
such possibility. One can imagine the average English mother trying to
bring up a family in a house surrounded by canals. She would never have
a minute’s peace until the children were in bed. But then the mere sight
of a canal to the English child suggests the delights of a sudden and
unexpected bath. I put it to a Dutchman once. Did the Dutch child by
any chance ever fall into a canal?
“Yes,” he replied, “cases have been known.”
“Don’t you do anything for it?” I enquired.
“Oh, yes,” he answered, “we haul them out again.”
“But what I mean is,” I explained, “don’t you do anything to prevent
their falling in—to save them from falling in again?”
“Yes,” he answered, “we spank ’em.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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