Two weeks had passed since his furious interview with Irene. He had
spent them at his friend Weston’s place, alone, for the owner was
absent, where he fished, and, between the rises, meditated on his
wrongs. He had spoken to Irene in violent indignation and hatred,
brutally, as the coarse-grained man does when he feels himself to be
injured. Instinct, that explosion of a long-laid train of a thousand
tiny sensations, had directed his blow against her most vital spot--her
idealisation of himself. He had left her in passionate anger. It was
well that he did not encounter Hugh that day. In the calm of the country
life his anger cooled down, but it had engendered a crop of sentiments
which, when he examined them, turned out to be not altogether
disagreeable. As he was not the man to have his senses long led captive
by the same woman, the honeymoon fervour of his attachment to Irene had
grown cold for some years. The glowing passion of love, therefore,
had not been outraged. As a matter of fact, he was tired of her, like
thousands of men at the present moment, whom habit and sloth and kind
integrity keep dully affectionate to their wives. He was tired of her
effusiveness, of her strenuousness, of the high plane of feeling on
which she seemed to live, and of her unremitting efforts to drag him
thither. He had never felt at ease with her, had been forced to practise
a thousand deceptions; to live, in short, a life alien to his nature.
In the daily unconscious struggle between two individualities, the
stronger and more finely tempered wins. Gerard had yielded simply
because he had been afraid to resist. The subconsciousness of this moral
flabbiness had always been present. It acted now as a forcing-bed for
the above-mentioned crop of sentiments.
The violets in his buttonhole typified their bursting into riotous
bloom. He walked across the Strand and down westward along the
embankment, his veins tingling. The fresh breeze blowing against the
tide raised a myriad ripples that sparkled in the sunshine. A gull that
had strayed up river was hovering snow-white against the blue sky. The
steamers, with their illusory air of crowded merriment, shot swiftly
by, and gave a queer sense of the rushing life of liberty. Every man has
certain moments of sensitiveness to external surroundings. With Gerard
they were rare; but this was one. Life was holding out her promise, the
world was before him. He felt magnanimous towards Hugh; almost grateful
to him for having given him this opportunity of re-starting his
existence. He was young still, only five-and-thirty. A recent legacy had
put him beyond the necessity of working at an irksome and unremunerative
profession. He leaned over the parapet by Somerset House, and in
the factories across the water saw the wide stretching veldt and the
lumbering bullock-carts and all the joys of the longed-for hunter’s
life. A lingering respectability no longer sought to disguise the fact;
he was heartily glad to be freed from Irene.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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