“The words were on my lips,” he said, leaning forward, with anxious,
earnest face. “You checked them--the evening that you told me of your
love. Do you remember?”
“Yes, I remember,” she said. Then, after a pause, resuming the
mid-thread of her last remark:
“But I can understand now from what you have told me of yourself. No, I
don’t reproach you.”
He threw himself, in an outburst of gratitude, on his knees beside her
chair, and seized her hand.
“God bless you, Renie. I still have your love.” She withdrew her hand
gently.
“That is what I don’t know, Hugh. Some you must have, for the boy’s
sake. Some because of your tenderness and devotion to me. But what I
gave you this morning when you kissed the boy and myself before you
started--seems to have gone out of me----”
“But, Irene, my beloved,” he urged, with the pathos of ineptitude, “I
did it for the best--for the sake of your name and happiness---for the
sake of the children that might be--the danger seemed utterly remote--it
seemed only taking upon myself the burden of a crime--I never breathed
to you a word of the love and longing that tortured me until you showed
me that you loved me. And then I took this step--the only dishonourable
thing I have done in my life that my conscience approved of. My motives
were pure. It was for your happiness.”
“I know,” she sighed. “I am not an irrational woman. It was not the
selfish motive of having me yours. My reason approves you. But something
has stopped in my heart--I don’t know what it is or why it is.”
“Time will set it on its old motion again,” he said.
“No, I think not. I had the trust in you that a more religious woman has
in God. Now it has gone.”
“But you tell me your reason approves,” insisted poor Hugh.
“Faith is on a different plane from reason. I am hurting you. It goes to
my heart to do it. But I can’t pretend.”
Hugh rose, and, stooping over her, kissed her forehead.
“I will leave you to yourself to-day, if you wish it.”
“You would be doing me a kindness, Hugh,” she replied.
He left her, and betook himself to the library of his club, where,
surrounding himself with books and sheets of manuscript, he made a
pretence of work a barrier against intrusive acquaintances.
Irene went upstairs to the nursery, and, dismissing the nursemaid, took
the boy on her lap, and drew her arms tightly round him. The tears
came from an overfull heart and trickled down upon the chubby cheek. He
disengaged himself and looked her in the face, and then, reminiscent of
a lugubrious story that Susan had been telling him:
“Is daddy dead?” he asked with cheerful sympathy.
“No, darling. He----”
She could not say more. A lump rose in her throat.
“Then why are you crying, mummy? Have you been naughty?”
She laughed, caught him to her breast again.
“We are all miserable sinners, Hughie, save you. And you are the dearest
mother’s angel that ever lived.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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