If Winter ComesHutchinson, A. S. M. (Arthur Stuart-Menteth)
General
If Winter Comes
Hutchinson, A. S. M. (Arthur Stuart-Menteth)
Fiction
He did not think to give a direction, but the driver had his directions;
nor, when he was set down at his house, to make payment; but payment had
been made. The driver assisted him from the cab and into his door--and
he needed assistance--and being off his box set himself to the
adjustment of a buckle, repair of which he had deferred through the day
until (being a man economical of effort) some other circumstance should
necessitate his coming to earth.
Sabre stumbled into his house and pushed the door behind him with a
resolution expressive of his desire to shut away from himself all
creatures of the world and be alone,--be left entirely alone. By habit
he climbed the stairs to his room. He collapsed into a chair.
His head was not aching; but there throbbed within his head, ceaselessly
and enormously, a pulse that seemed to shake him at its every beat. It
was going knock, knock, knock! He began to have the feeling that if this
frightful knocking continued it would beat its way out. Something would
give way. Amidst the purposeful reverberations, his mind, like one
squeezed back in the dark corner of a lair of beasts, crouched shaking
and appalled. He was the father of Effie's child; he was the murderer of
Effie and of her child! He was neither; but the crimes were fastened
upon him as ineradicable pigment upon his skin. His skin was white but
it was annealed black; there was not a glass of the mirrors of his past
actions but showed it black and reflected upon it hue that was blacker
yet. He was a betrayer and a murderer, and every refutation that he
could produce turned to a brand in his hands and branded him yet more
deeply. He writhed in torment. For ever, in every hour of every day and
night, he would carry the memory of that fierce and sweating face
pressing towards him across the table in that court. No! It was another
face that passed before that passionate countenance and stood like flame
before his eyes. Twyning! Twyning, Twyning, Twyning! The prompter, the
goader of that passionate man's passion, the instigater and instrument
of this his utter and appalling destruction. Twyning, Twyning, Twyning!
He ground his teeth upon the name. He twisted in his chair upon the
thought. Twyning, Twyning, Twyning! Knock, knock, knock! Ah, that
knocking, that knocking! Something was going to give way in a minute. It
must be abated. It must. Something would give way else. A feverish
desire to smoke came upon him. He felt in his pockets for his cigarette
case. He had not got it. He thought after it. He remembered that he had
started for Brighton without it, discovered there that he had left it
behind. He started to hunt for it. It must be in this room. It was not
to be seen in the room. Where? He remembered a previous occasion of
searching for it like this. When? Ah, when Effie had told him she had
found it lying about and had put it--of all absurd places for a
cigarette case--in the back of the clock. Ten to one she had put it
there again now.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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