If Winter ComesHutchinson, A. S. M. (Arthur Stuart-Menteth)
General
If Winter Comes
Hutchinson, A. S. M. (Arthur Stuart-Menteth)
Fiction
No answer he could have made could have more exasperated her.
"I--don't--believe--I--would." Deliberation! Something incomprehensible
to her going on in his mind, and as a result of it a statement that no
one on earth (she felt) but he would have made. Any one else would have
said boldly, blusteringly, "Of course I would have told you about the
letter." She would have liked that. She would have disbelieved it and
she could have said, and enjoyed saying, she disbelieved it. Or any one
else would have said furiously, "No, I'm damned if I'd have shown you
the letter." She would have liked that. It would have affirmed her
suspicions that there was "something in it"; and she wished her
suspicions to be affirmed. It would have been something definite.
Something justifiably incentive of anger, of resentment, of jealousy.
Something she could understand.
For she did not understand her husband. That was her grievance against
him. She never had understood him. That den incident in the very
earliest days of their marriage had been an intimation of a way of
looking at things that to her was entirely and exasperatingly
inexplicable; and since then, increasingly year by year, her
understanding had failed to follow him. He had retired farther and
farther into himself. He lived in his mind, and she could by no means
penetrate into his mind. His ideas about things, his attitude towards
things, were wholly and exasperatingly incomprehensible to her.
"It's like," she had once complained to her father, "it's like having a
foreigner in the house."
Things, in her expression, "went on" in his mind, and she could not
understand what went on in his mind, and it exasperated her to know they
were going on and that she could not understand them.
"I--don't--believe--I--would." Characteristic, typical expression of
those processes of his mind that she could not understand! And then the
reason: "I wouldn't because I'd have known perfectly well that you'd
have thought it--funny."
And, exasperation on exasperation's head, he was right. She did think it
funny; and by his very reply--for she knew him well enough, so
exasperatingly well, to know that this was complete sincerity, complete
truth--he proved to her that it was not really funny but merely
something she could not understand. Robbery of her fancy, her hope that
it was something definite against him, something justifiably incentive
of resentment, of jealousy!
It was as if he had said, "You can't understand a letter like this.
There's nothing in it to understand. And that's just what you can't
understand. Look here, you see my head. I'm in there. You can't come in.
You don't know how to. I can't tell you how to. Nobody could tell you.
And you wouldn't know what to make of it if you did get in."
Exasperating. Insufferable. Insupportable!
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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