In a Canadian Canoe; The Nine Muses Minus One, and Other StoriesPain, Barry
General
In a Canadian Canoe; The Nine Muses Minus One, and Other Stories
Pain, Barry
English wit and humor
“Ver’ well,” said the waiter sadly, flicking a dead fly off the table
with one end of his napkin. “It will be a shilling, if you please.”
“Pay afterwards,” said John Bradshaw sharply.
The waiter shrugged his shoulders. “I am ver’ sorry, but we mos’ always
ask for ze monny before we bring ze Raisonola. We haf our orders. You
see we haf often had a trouble to get ze monny afterwards from ze
heirs. Tree weeks ago two gemmens kom in and order ze Raisonola. They
trink it, and die all over ze floor.” (An expressive shrug of shoulders
came in again here.) “We sweep ’em up, and throw ’em away, and they
pay us nossin--nossin at all. It is all so moch loss.” His hands were
turned outward, deprecatingly.
“Look here, my man,” said Menenius Agrippa quickly. “Once upon a time
the members refused to work any longer for the Belly, which----”
“Dry up,” thundered John Bradshaw. “We must pay,” he added. “And it so
befalleth that I have not my purse, but the Spanish Ambassador----”
The Ambassador explained that he had only Spanish coins with him, which
would not be accepted. Socrates hastily added the information that he
always took his money straight home to Xantippe, and that if he was
short that night there would be unpleasantness.
Menenius said that he had no money, but would be glad to continue his
fable. “Let’s see. Where was I? Oh, I know--any longer for the Belly,
which----”
“Do drop it,” sighed the Spanish Ambassador pathetically.
“Silence,” said John Bradshaw. “Charles, be a man, and pay for your own
execution.”
Charles offered his note-of-hand and his royal word.
He nothing common did or mean
Upon that memorable scene.
But the waiter refused them. And the five were compelled to leave the
restaurant. There was a crowd round the door. When they had got clear
of the crowd, one of their number was missing. It was Charles Marius.
The rest of the story is well known. Charles Marius escaped to St.
Helena, and spent the rest of his life in collaborating with Dr. Gauden
on a novel called “Eikon Basilike.” The failure of the execution
preyed upon John Bradshaw’s mind, and in a fit of madness he wrote the
time-tables which bear his name. Menenius Agrippa became a diner-out,
and acquired the surname of “History,” because he always repeated
himself. The Ambassador still lives in his castle in Spain.
* * * * *
Clio had finished. “Thank you so much,” said the other Muses.
II.
EUTERPE’S STORY: THE GIRL AND THE MINSTREL.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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