In a Canadian Canoe; The Nine Muses Minus One, and Other StoriesPain, Barry
General
In a Canadian Canoe; The Nine Muses Minus One, and Other Stories
Pain, Barry
English wit and humor
“Don’t, my dear friend, don’t,” said the Spanish Ambassador piteously.
“We know it by heart. It’s all in little Smith.”
“But it may do good,” said the aged Menenius. “How far had I got?
Oh yes--and grew fat upon their toils. But receiving no longer any
nourishment from the Belly, they soon began to----”
At this moment a cheerful porter, with a merry cry of “Now then,
stoopid!” ran a heavy truckful of luggage into the aged Menenius and
bowled him over. This gave John Bradshaw an opportunity to resume his
remarks:
“It seemeth to me that the time hath now gone by when the telling of
fables might serve the body politick; and seeing what grave charges
have been exhibited against you, Charles Marius, you man of blood, and
duly proven before me, it behoveth us rather to inquire into the method
which shall be deemed most suitable for your execution.”
He went on to point out that there were many methods of execution, but
that it was most agreeable to the sense of the nation that Charles
Marius should be taken to a very small, very cheap, very dirty, very
Italian restaurant; and that he should drink there one bottle of that
sound dinner-wine Raisonola at eleven shillings the dozen.
“We hereby give our royal word,” said Charles Marius; but he was
sternly checked by the Serjeant-at-Law.
“We need nothing of your royal word, having in former times had too
much of it. I myself will walk first, accompanied by the Spanish
Ambassador and Menenius Agrippa. You, Socrates, will accompany that man
of blood, Charles Marius, and administer to him the consolations of
your philosophy. You others will remain.”
The sad procession filed out of Charing Cross Station. Menenius Agrippa
looked a little angry, and was brushing the dust from his toga; but
the Spanish Ambassador and John Bradshaw were intensely stately and
dignified. Behind them walked Socrates and Charles Marius. Socrates
began at once:
“Seeing, my friend, that you are about to be executed, let us speak of
execution. For it is well to speak always of the thing which is the
present thing. So, setting aside your misconduct under H. Metellus
Stanleius in Africa, let us discuss this execution. Now, I have often
wondered why to the many it always seems an evil to be executed. For
if a will be duly executed, it takes force therefrom. Now, to acquire
force is plainly to be reckoned among the good things. Therefore to be
executed must be good and desirable. Or shall we say rather that words
have no meaning?”
“Go to the deuce!” said Charles Marius sulkily. “We offered John
Bradshaw our royal word, and he refused to take it. So we won’t talk at
all.”
And he never said another word until they were all five seated at
one table in the Italian restaurant. A melancholy waiter of no
nationality brought a soiled bill of fare; he also added two forks and
a mustard-pot as a kind of after-thought.
“Bring,” said John Bradshaw, “one bottle of Raisonola and one glass.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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