In a Canadian Canoe; The Nine Muses Minus One, and Other StoriesPain, Barry
General
In a Canadian Canoe; The Nine Muses Minus One, and Other Stories
Pain, Barry
English wit and humor
“Then,” said Clio rather snappishly, “I will ask Thalia.”
Thalia had a good-humoured smile, and a very pleasant voice, but her
story was nothing more than the following:--
* * * * *
There was once a camel who had got sick of the menagerie business. And
this was pardonable, because the menagerie had now been on tour for six
weeks, and the trombone in the band had been out of tune all the time.
There were other things that made the camel weary. The untamed tigress
had a bad cough, and kept him awake at night. The showman had called
him the ship of the desert at each performance, and he wanted to be
called something else for a change. On one occasion he had been lying
in motionless dignity, and a little boy in a tight suit had asked if
he was stuffed. He had been kicked by his keeper, ridden by children,
starved by the manager, and jested upon by young men with penny cigars,
who sucked intermittent oranges and called one another Chollie. He was
sick of the menagerie business, and he wanted to get out of it. So he
made himself disagreeable. As he was passing the band-stand one night,
he reached out his great neck and ate the trombone part to “Nancy
Lee.” This made him want to be a sailor and sing “heave-ho” during the
rest of the term of his natural life. But where was the sea? He’d got
no sea. He hadn’t an notion, as people say. So he gave up his mind
to being disagreeable again. He knocked down a beautiful child with
golden hair, and trod on her, so that she died; and the management had
to send her parents a gratis admission before they’d stop grumbling.
Then the camel took up his position in front of the lion’s den, and
said sarcastic things to the lioness. This enraged her; and not being
able to reach the camel, she ate a portion of the lion-tamer, to show
her spirit. Finally he walked up to one of the elephants who had a
dummy tusk, and did a little comic dentist business, insomuch that the
audience jeered at the showman, and the showman said several things
which were not set down in the printed guide to the show. That night
the camel kicked his keeper, out of reciprocity, and then talked very
high talk indeed in the still midnight hours to a hyena who had seen
the world.
“I am going away,” the camel said, with a pathetic gasp which was
the nearest he could do to a sigh. “My soul is being stifled--quite
stifled--in this place.”
“That’s the bread,” said the hyena decidedly. “We get nothing but
bread.”
“It’s _not_ the bread,” snapped the camel. “It’s the smell, and the low
social status of the audience. I am going to seek peace and culture in
another clime. I am not happy here; there can be no true happiness in a
tent which smells of thirty-four distinct species, and penny cigars on
the top of them.”
“Well, I hope you’ll find them--the peace and culture. I’m not much
on pilgrimages myself, but I believe the first thing to do is to get
started. Start away.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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