This had happened often of late. It had been a hard week, day after day
of bitter toil wearing him down in body and fraying his every nerve.
His business was in a bad way, and he alone could save it, and he could
save it only by ingenuity and inspiration. But the inspiration, he was
sure, would not come to him till he could rest throughout.
Sleep was his hope, his passion, food, drink, medicine. He was heavily
pledged at the bank. He could borrow no more. The president had
threatened him if he did not pay what was overdue. Bigger businesses
than his were being left to crash. A financial earthquake was rocking
every tower in the world.
Though he needed cash vitally to further his business, there was a
sharper and sharper demand upon him from creditors desperately harried
by their own desperate creditors. He must find with his brain some new
source of cash. He must fight the world. But how could he fight without
rest? Even pugilists rested between rounds.
He had not slept a whole night for a week. To-night he had gone to bed
sternly resolved on a while of annihilation. Anything for the brief
sweet death with the morning of resurrection.
And then she had quarreled with him. And now he was awake, and he felt
that he would not sleep.
He wondered what the hour was. He was tempted to rise and make a light
and look at his watch, but he felt that the effort and the blow of the
glare on his eyes might confirm his insomnia. He lay and wondered,
consumed with curiosity as to the hour--as if that knowledge could be of
value.
By and by, out of the stillness and the widespread black came the
slumbrous tone of a far-off town clock. Three times it rumored in the
air as if distance moaned faintly thrice.
Three o'clock! He had had but two hours' sleep, and would have no more!
And he needed ten! To-morrow morning--this morning!--he must join battle
for his very existence.
He lay supine, trying not to clench a muscle, seeking to force his
surrender to inanition; but he could not get sleep though he implored
his soul for it, prayed God for it.
At length he ceased to try to compel slumber. He lay musing. It is a
strange thing to lie musing in the dark. His soul seemed to tug and
waver outside his body as he had seen an elephant chained by one leg in
a circus tent lean far away from its shackles, and sway and put its
trunk forth gropingly. His soul seemed to be under his forehead, pushing
at it as against a door. He felt that if he had a larger, freer forehead
he would have more soul and more room for his mind to work.
Then the great fear came over him again. In these wakeful moods he
suffered ecstasies of fright.
He was appalled with life. He felt helpless, bodyless, doomed.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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