The very next day Mrs. Ad. Peck walked into the store, proud as a
peahen. She wanted shoes for her baby. The soles of the old pair were
intact, but the stubby toes were protruding.
"He crawls all over the house, Mr. Rudd! And he cut his first tooth
to-day, too. Just look at it. Ain't it a beauty?"
In her insensate conceit she pried the child's mouth apart as if he were
a pony, to disclose the minute peak of ivory. It was nothing to make
such a fuss over, Rudd thought, though he praised it as if it were a
snow-capped Fuji-yama.
That night Eric cut two teeth. And Marthy nearly laughed her head off.
Rudd did not talk aloud to the family he had revened from the grave. He
had no occult persuasions. He just sat in his rocker and smoked hard and
imagined hard. He imagined the lives of his family not only as they
might have been, but as they ought to have been. He was like a spectator
at a play, mingling belief and make-belief inextricably, knowing it all
untrue, yet weeping, laughing, thrilling as if it were the very image of
fact.
All mothers and some fathers have a sad little calendar in their hearts'
cupboards where they keep track of the things that might have been.
"October fifth," they muse. "Why, it's Ned's birthday! He'd have been
twenty-one to-day if he'd lived. He'd have voted this year. December
twenty-third? Alice would have been coming home from boarding-school
to-day if--July fourth? Humph! How Harry loved the fireworks! But he'd
be a Senator now and invited to his home town to make a speech in the
park to-day if--" If! If!
Everybody must keep some such if-almanac, some such diary of prayers
denied. That was all Rudd did; only he wrote it up every evening. He
would take from the lavender where he kept them the little things Martha
had sewed for the child and the little shoes he had bought. The warm
body had never wriggled and laughed in the tiny trousseau, the little
shoes had never housed pink toes, but they helped him to pretend until
they became to him things outgrown by a living, growing child. He
cherished them as all parents cherish the first shoes and the first
linens and woolens of their young.
Marthy and Eric Rudd lived just behind the diaphanous curtain of the
pipe smoke, or in the nooks of the twilight shadow, or in the heart of
the settin'-room stove.
The frame house had no fireplace, and in its lieu he was wont to open
the door of the wood-stove, lean forward, elbows on knees, and gaze into
the creamy core of the glow where his people moved unharmed and radiant,
like the three youths conversing in the fiery furnace.
In the brief period allotted them before bedtime they must needs live
fast. The boy grew at an extraordinary rate and in an extraordinary
manner, for sometimes Rudd performed for him that feat which God Himself
seems not to achieve in His world; he turned back time and brought on
yesterday again, or reverted the year before last, as a reaper may pause
and return to glean some sheaf overlooked before.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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