England -- Fiction; Short stories, English; Villages -- Fiction; Wales -- Fiction
In 1832, on 7th April, a farmer named Joseph Thomson came into Carlisle
with his wife, to whom he had been married three years before; he sent
the bellman round the town to announce a sale, and this attracted a great
crowd. At noon the sale took place. Thomson placed his wife on a chair,
with a rope of straw round her neck. He then said—according to the report
in the “Annual Register,”—“Gentlemen, I have to offer to your notice, my
wife, Mary Anne Thomson, otherwise Williams, whom I mean to sell to the
highest and fairest bidder. Gentlemen, it is her wish as well as mine
to part for ever. She has been to me only a born serpent. I took her
for my comfort, and the good of my home; but she became my tormentor, a
domestic curse. Gentlemen, I speak the truth from my heart when I say—may
God deliver us from troublesome wives and frolicsome women! Avoid them
as you would a mad dog, or a roaring lion, a loaded pistol, cholera
morbus, Mount Etna, or any other pestilential thing in nature. Now I have
shown you the dark side of my wife, and told you her faults and failings,
I will introduce the bright and sunny side of her, and explain her
qualifications and goodness. She can read novels and milk cows; she can
laugh and weep with the same ease that you could take a glass of ale when
thirsty. Indeed, gentlemen, she reminds me of what the poet says of women
in general—
‘Heaven gave to women the peculiar grace
To laugh, to weep, to cheat the human race.’
She can make butter and scold the maid; she can sing Moore’s melodies,
and plait her frills and caps; she cannot make rum, gin, or whisky, but
she is a good judge of the quality from long experience in tasting them.
I therefore offer her with all her perfections and imperfections for the
sum of fifty shillings.”
That this sermon was spoken by Thomson is most improbable—it is doubtless
put into his mouth by the editor of the “Annual Register”; it was not to
his interest to depreciate the article he desired to sell. After about an
hour the woman was knocked down to one Henry Mears, for twenty shillings
and a Newfoundland dog. They then parted company in perfect good-humour,
each satisfied with his bargain; Mears and the woman went one way, and
Thomson and the dog another.
In 1835 a man led his wife by a halter, in precisely the same way, into
the market at Birmingham, and sold her for fifteen pounds. She at once
went home with the purchaser. She survived both buyer and seller, and
then married again. Some property came to her in the course of years from
her first husband; for notwithstanding claims put forth by his relatives
she was able to maintain in a court of law that the sale did not and
could not vitiate her rights as his widow.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
Reviews
Reviews
No reviews yet
Be the first to share your thoughts on this work.
Join the Discussion
Join the discussion
Sign in to leave a comment or review.
Sign InorCreate an account