In Convent Walls: The Story of the DespensersHolt, Emily Sarah
History
In Convent Walls: The Story of the Despensers
Holt, Emily Sarah
Great Britain -- History -- Edward II, 1307-1327 -- Fiction; Historical fiction
"Let thy face be toward the Lord of the city," said Mother Alianora.
"He shall lead thee forth by the right way, that thou mayest come to His
city and to His holy hill. The right way, daughter, is sometimes the
way over the moor, and through the mist. `Who of you walketh in
darkness, and there is no light to him? Let him trust in the name of
the Lord, and lean upon his God.' Why, my child, it is only when man
cannot see that it is possible for him to trust. Faith is not called in
exercise so long as thou walkest by sight."
"But when thou art utterly alone," said my sister in a low voice, "with
not one footstep on the road beside thee--"
"That art thou never, child, so thou be Christ's. _His_ footsteps are
alway there."
"In suffering, ay: but in perplexity?"
"Daughter, when thou losest His steps, thou yet hast Himself. `If any
lack wisdom, let him ask of God.' And God is never from home."
"Neither is Satan."
"`Greater is He that is in you than he in the world.'"
Mother Alianora seemed weary when she had said this, and lay still a
while: and Margaret did not answer. I think the Mother dropped asleep;
I sat beside her and watched. But Margaret stood still at the foot of
the bed, not sitting down, and in the dim light of our one little lamp I
could scarcely see her face as she stood, only that it was turned toward
the casement, where a faint half-moon rode in the heavens, and the calm
ancient stars looked down on us. Oh, how small a world is ours in the
great heavens! yet for one soul of one little babe in this small world,
the Son of God hath died.
My heart went out to Margaret as she stood there: yet my lips were
sealed. I felt, strangely, as if I could not speak. Something held me
back, and I knew not if it were God, or Satan, or only mine own want of
sense and bravery. The long hours wore on. The church bell tolled for
lauds, and we heard the soft tramp of the Sisters' feet as they passed
and returned: then the doors closed, and Mother Ada's voice said,
"_Laus Deo_!" and Sister Ismania's replied, "_Deo gratias_!" Then
Mother Ada's footsteps passed the door as she went to her cell, and once
more all was silence. On rolled the hours slowly, and still Mother
Alianora seemed to sleep: still Margaret stood as if she had been cut in
stone, without so much as moving, and still I sat, feeling much as if I
were stone too, and had no power to move or speak.
It might be about half-way between lauds and prime when the spell was at
last broken. And it was broken, to my astonishment, by Margaret's
asking me a question that fairly took my breath away.
"Annora, art thou a saint?"
These were the first words Margaret had ever spoken to me, except from
necessity. That weary, dried-up thing that I call mine heart, seemed to
give a little bit of throb.
"Our Lady love us, no!" said I. "I never was, nor never could be."
"I am glad to hear it," she said.
"Why, Margaret?"
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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