In Convent Walls: The Story of the DespensersHolt, Emily Sarah
History
In Convent Walls: The Story of the Despensers
Holt, Emily Sarah
Great Britain -- History -- Edward II, 1307-1327 -- Fiction; Historical fiction
"Verily," said Sister Ada, the next time we were at recreation, "I do
marvel at Sister Gaillarde's manner of taking her election. Not one
word of humility or obedience, but just took it as if it were her right,
and she were the most suitable person!"
"Why, that was obedience, was it not?" responded Sister Ismania.
"Obedience it might be, but it was not lowliness!" said Sister Ada,
tartly. "If I had been elect--of course I do not mean that I expected
such a thing, not for a moment--I should have knelt down and kissed the
chapel floor, and protested my sense of utter unworthiness and
incapacity for such an office."
Sister Isabel, who sat by me, said in a low voice,--"Maybe some of your
Sisters would have agreed with you." And though I felt constrained to
give her a look of remonstrance, I must say I thought with her. Sister
Ada as Prioress would have been a sore infliction.
But now Sister Gaillarde herself came forward. I do not think Sister
Ada had known she was there, to judge from her change of colour.
"Sister Ada," said she, "you are one of those surface observers who
always fancy people do not feel what they do not say. Let me answer you
once for all, and any who think with you. As a sinner before God, I do
feel mine unworthiness, even to the lowest depth: and I am bound to
humble myself for all my sins, and not least for the pride which would
fain think them few and small. But as for incapacity, I do not feel
that; and I shall not say what I do not feel. I think myself quite
capable of governing this house--I do not say as well as some might do
it, but as well as most would do; and it would be falsehood and
affectation to pretend otherwise. I suppose, in condemning hypocrisy,
our Lord did not mean that while we must not profess to be better than
we are, we may make any number of professions, and tell any number of
falsehoods, in order to appear worse than we are. That may be your
notion of holiness; but suffer me to say, it is not my notion of
honesty. I mean to try and do my duty; and if any of my Sisters thinks
I am not doing it, she will confer a favour on me if she will not talk
it over with the other Sisters, but come straight to my rooms and tell
me so. I promise to consider any such rebukes, honestly, as before God;
and if on meditation and prayer I find that I have been wrong, I will
confess it to you. But if I think that it was simply done out of spite
or impertinence, that Sister will have a penance set her. I hope, now,
we understand each other: and I beg the prayers of you all that I may
rule in the fear of God, showing neither partiality nor want of
sympathy, but walking in the right way, and keeping this house pure from
sin."
Sister Ada made no answer whatever. Sister Ismania said, with much
feeling--
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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