One day she had had letters from America, from Norland, from
Berlin--the latter was from Karl; she had opened them all, but had not
read any of them; there was too much to do getting the house ready for
the winter. Still she found time to read her sister's letter in the
afternoon, and it troubled her; her sister was not well; Ragni thought
about getting her down to stay with her. The last two or three letters
from Karl had been decidedly home-sick ones, he felt so melancholy; so
she had no particular wish to peruse this last letter. She was just
then reading an American novel, one of Howell's best, an impressive and
exciting soul-picture; so she sat down to that first when she went into
the office toward evening. But something in the story reminded her of
Karl, so she laid the book aside and took out his letter. As usual,
page upon page, very interesting, but so thoroughly heart-sick. When
she came to the last sheet, there was written on it in red ink: "Read
this when you are alone!"
He wrote: "From the moment I received your letter about the 'chill cold
of wickedness,' I have been uncertain whether or no I would tell you
that I understood it at once. For long I have known what was said about
us. Such a cruel slander! It was this that nearly drove me mad last
summer, when I heard of it just before we parted. Is it not terrible? I
thought that there could not possibly be anything that would wound me
deeper than this; but now it has come: You have heard of it too--that
must be the meaning of your letter.
"For weeks I have thought about it. But it is better, for my own sake
and for yours, that we should speak about it! Do not let Kallem hear of
it! I am so dreadfully ashamed, I am so unhappy--ah, if you knew how
unhappy I am! but let us spare him!
"Therefore I write this on a separate sheet, and will always do so in
future.
"Also on account of something else which I am now coming to, my dear,
my darling!
"From the very beginning when you were so good to me, you were most
dear to me; I could not think that you or anyone could be more dear.
But now we are as it were linked together by this shame and grief, we
two must bear it alone, and now, God knows, I only live, suffer, and
work in thought of you. You are ever with me, from morn till eve, and
in my dreams at night.
"I love you, love you, love you! I write this weeping. I love you, love
you, love you!
"Perchance this word shocks you, shocks you more than what has gone
before and has called it forth. But if you knew what joy it is just to
write it down and know that you will read it! You are so good, and you
know that I have the most unbounded respect for you."
When Kallem came home at eight o'clock, the supper table was laid in
the dining-room; the lamps were lighted in the office, and it was warm;
but both rooms were empty, the big room was dark. Sigrid came in with
the tea, and told him that her mistress had gone to bed.
To bed? was she ill?
"I think she was only tired."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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