The weird shadow-pictures and the biting epigrams of his new friend
haunted Felix all the way down the four flights. His head was in a
whirl with them; his heart felt a keen sympathy for this extraordinary
being. "What a life!" he said to himself. "How much power is rusting
and going to decay there in the dark! And who is to blame for it?--and
I, who knows but what I--"
He pursued his soliloquy no further. As he stepped into the sunny
streets a carriage rolled quickly past, and from it fluttered a
silver-gray veil. In a moment all his thoughts were upon Irene again.
Of course it could not have been she; not to-day, at all events. But
if she should return from her excursion to-morrow and drive by like
this--what then? What would she think? That he had followed her and was
seeking an opportunity for reconciliation, after she had bidden him go?
Anything rather than such a suspicion! Even though he knew that he was
not entirely blameless, his pride was too deeply hurt, his honor was
too deeply wounded, for him to make any advances or to suffer even the
suspicion of doing so. That she was not running after him, and that she
had not the slightest idea in what direction he had turned his steps,
he did not for a moment doubt. He knew her proud spirit so well, that
he only feared one thing, and that was, that upon catching the faintest
hint of his being anywhere near her, she would throw aside all her
plans and insist upon leaving the city again; indeed, would rather face
the Italian summer and all the dangers of sickness, than give rise to
the suspicion that she felt she had been too hasty with him and wished
the unfortunate letter unwritten.
The simplest and at the same time the most chivalrous way of getting
out of the difficulty would have been for him to have gone out of her
way himself; but after brief consideration he rejected this plan as
altogether impracticable. An uncontrollable love of art was suddenly
aroused in his soul--a strong conviction as to his duty toward Jansen
and his own future; and it seemed to him so humiliating to have to
confide to his friends the reasons which induced him to run away from
school again so soon, that he hastily struck into the nearest way to
the studio, as if he felt that there was the place where he would be
safest from all vexations and temptations.
Besides, he had a whole day left in which to take serious counsel with
himself, to look at the matter from all sides, and to decide what it
was best to do.
As he entered the court he saw a carriage standing at the door of the
rear house. Although he knew it could not be hers, it gave him a sharp
start, and he beckoned to the janitor and asked him who had come to
call. "A lady, neither young nor old, with two gentlemen; and they
spoke French." It was evidently a matter of no interest to him, and so,
without devoting another thought to it, he opened the door of Jansen's
studio and went in.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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