"You see," she continued, "it is a satisfaction to me to tell you this.
It is so seldom one finds people capable of comprehending one, and from
whom one need have no secrets. It is a privilege of all sovereign
natures that they dare to confess all to one another--the highest as
well as the lowest thoughts--for, even when we confess our weakness, we
are ennobled by the boldness and daring with which we do it. Oh, my
dear friend! if you knew how hard a woman has to struggle to attain
that freedom which you men claim as a birthright! For how long a time
do we throw away the best years of our life because of false shame, and
a thousand other considerations! It is only since I acknowledged it as
a moral duty toward my own nature to possess myself of anything toward
which I felt drawn, to dare anything which was not beyond my powers, to
say anything for which I could find a sympathetic listener--it is only
since that time that I can say I have learned to respect myself. But I
forget; it does not follow that these confessions interest you, no
matter how much sympathy you may feel for them. I am, doubtless, not
the first woman who has given you similar confidences. The world in
which you live is used to seeing fall the veils and coverings with
which we drape ourselves in the prudish society of ordinary mortals.
Nor would I, perhaps, have detained you here with me merely to talk to
you of such feelings and thoughts, if I had not besides something very
particular at heart, a great, great favor--"
She had thrown herself down on a sofa and rested there in a careless,
picturesque attitude, her arms thrown back gracefully behind her head.
Her face was pale as marble, and her lips were slightly parted--but not
with a smile.
"A favor?" he asked, absently. "You know, countess, I was prepared to
receive a penance. How much sooner--"
"Who knows whether the granting of this favor will not seem to you a
penance, and none of the lightest either!" she hastily interrupted. "In
a word, will you make my portrait?"
"Your portrait?"
"Yes; a portrait-statue, sitting or standing, as you like. I confess to
you that the thought first came to me this morning. I can't get that
beautiful portrait of your charming friend out of my head, though I am
not so conceited as to wish to compare myself with this unknown woman,
especially in your eyes. I have a special reason for wanting it; I know
a foolish man who still finds me young and pretty enough to want my
portrait--particularly if it were done by such a master--a friend, from
whom I have been separated often and long, and whom I should make very
happy if I could send him my effigy as a compensation."
While she delivered this excited speech, Jansen had let his eyes rest
on her, without betraying by any sign whether he was disposed to grant
her the favor or not. She blushed under this cool, searching look, and
cast down her eyes.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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