She hung on his arm, and let him lead her down the street. He saw, with
heart-felt pity, how pale and haggard she had grown, and what poor
clothes she wore. Nor could she be induced, at first, to speak a word;
yet her breast heaved as if it would burst, and every now and then she
stood still and drew a deep breath. But his kind words gradually melted
the ice. She told him that she had led a wretched life; had sought in
vain for work, and had finally seen no other way than to go back once
more to her old acquaintance, who had taken her in again. But, because
she was no longer as merry as she used to be, she had not suited the
Black Therese at all; and she would gladly have gone away from her if
she had only known where to turn. The woman had tried to make her
acquainted with all sorts of gentlemen, and had scolded her for a silly
goose, because she would not consent.
That night the Black Therese's lover had come to take both girls to the
Christmas mass. But in the church a friend of his had joined them, and
they were just on their way to a public-house to get something more to
drink. It had seemed as if heaven had opened to her when she heard
Felix's voice. And now, all of a sudden, she felt quite light at heart.
How had he happened to come along just at the right time, and how was
he getting on, and was he really quite well again?
She began to laugh again as she asked these questions, with her old
happy, light-hearted laugh. All her wretchedness seemed of a sudden to
have vanished, and to be forgotten.
"Zenz," he said, "you must not go back to this black devil of a woman.
She will bring you to ruin sooner or later; you can no longer have any
doubt of that. But now, what do you intend to do? Have you ever taken
any thought as to what is going to become of you?"
Her laughing face suddenly grew dark again.
"Indeed I have," she answered, with a thoughtful nod of the head. "I
have made up my mind to look on and see how things go until summer;
then, if I am no better off--I'm not afraid of the water, I will take
another trip on the Starnberger lake, and, when I am just in the
middle, I will close my eyes and spring in. They say it doesn't hurt at
all.
"You see," she continued, when he did not answer, "I shall never be
happy in this world; very few are, and it is all ordered beforehand. So
why should I look on patiently while my few young years pass miserably
away? There is no one to miss me when I am out of the world. And if it
is all the same to _me_ whether I live or not, what does it matter to
any one else?"
As she said these words, she involuntarily let go his arm, and stood
still again for a moment, to recover breath after her quick speech.
He seized her hand.
"Will you do something for my sake, Zenz?" he asked, tenderly--"a very
great favor? Will you promise me to do what I ask you?--to go with me
wherever I lead you? You know well enough that I mean well by you."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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