In the Days of My Youth: A NovelEdwards, Amelia B.
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In the Days of My Youth: A Novel
Edwards, Amelia B.
Love stories; Medical students -- Fiction; Paris (France) -- Fiction
Three letters awaited me on the table; one from Dr. Chéron, written in a
bold hand--a mere note of condolence: one from Dalrymple, dated
Chamounix: the third from Hortense. I knew it was from her. I knew that
that small, clear, upright writing, so singularly distinct and regular,
could be only hers. I had never seen it before; but my heart
identified it.
That letter contained my fate. I took it up, laid it down, paced
backwards and forwards, and for several minutes dared not break the
seal. At length I opened it. It ran thus:--
"FRIEND AND FELLOW-STUDENT.
"I had hoped that a man such as you and a woman such as I might become
true friends, discuss books and projects, give and take the lesser
services of life, and yet not end by loving. In this belief, despite
occasional misgivings, I have suffered our intercourse to become
intimacy--our acquaintance, friendship. I see now that I was mistaken,
and now, when it is, alas! too late, I reproach myself for the
consequences of that mistake.
"I can be nothing to you, friend. I have duties in life more sacred than
marriage. I have a task to fulfil which is sterner than love, and
imperative as fate. I do not say that to answer you thus costs me no
pain. Were there even hope, I would bid you hope; but my labor presses
heavily upon me, and repeated failure has left me weary and heart-sick.
"You tell me in your letter that, by the time I read it, you will be far
away. It is now my turn to repeat the same words. When you come back to
your rooms, mine will be empty. I shall be gone; all I ask is, that you
will not attempt to seek me.
"Farewell. I accept your gift. Perhaps I act selfishly in taking it, but
a day may come when I shall justify that selfishness to you. In the
meantime, once again farewell. You are my only friend, and these are the
saddest words I have ever written--forget me!
"HORTENSE."
I scarcely know how I felt, or what I did, on first reading this letter.
I believe that I stood for a long time stone still, incapable of
realizing the extent of my misfortune. By-and-by it seemed to rush upon
me suddenly. I threw open my window, scaled the balcony rails, and
forced my way into her rooms.
Her rooms! Ah, by that window she used to sit--at that table she read
and wrote--in that bed she slept! All around and about were scattered
evidences of her presence. Upon the chimney-piece lay an envelope
addressed to her name--upon the floor, some fragments of torn paper and
some ends of cordage! The very flowers were yet fresh upon her balcony!
The sight of these things, while they confirmed my despair, thawed the
ice at my heart. I kissed the envelope that she had touched, the flowers
she had tended, the pillow on which her head had been wont to rest. I
called wildly on her name. I threw myself on the floor in my great
agony, and wept aloud.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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