What is it about Mrs. Barnes that makes Dolly and me sit so quiet and
good? I needn't ask: I know. It is because she is single-minded,
unselfish, genuinely and deeply anxious for everybody's happiness and
welfare, and it is impossible to hurt such goodness. Accordingly we are
bound hand and foot to her wishes, exactly as if she were a tyrant.
Dolly of course must be bound by a thousand reasons for gratitude.
Hasn't Mrs. Barnes given up everything for her? Hasn't she given up
home, and livelihood, and country and friends to come and be with her?
It is she who magnanimously bears the chief burden of Dolly's marriage.
Without having had any of the joys of Siegfried--I can't think Dolly
would mutter a name in her sleep that wasn't her husband's--she has
spent these years of war cheerfully accepting the results of him,
devoting herself to the forlorn and stranded German widow, spending her
life, and what substance she has, in keeping her company in the dreary
pensions of a neutral country, unable either to take her home to England
or to leave her where she is by herself.
Such love and self-sacrifice is a very binding thing. If these
conjectures of mine are right, Dolly is indeed bound to Mrs. Barnes,
and not to do everything she wished would be impossible. Naturally she
wears those petticoats, and those long, respectable black clothes: they
are Mrs. Barnes's idea of how a widow should be dressed. Naturally she
goes for excursions in the mountains with an umbrella: it is to Mrs.
Barnes both more prudent and more seemly than a stick. In the smallest
details of her life Dolly's gratitude must penetrate and be expressed.
Yes; I think I understand her situation. The good do bind one very
heavily in chains.
To an infinitely less degree Mrs. Barnes's goodness has put chains on me
too. I have to walk very carefully and delicately among her feelings. I
could never forgive myself if I were to hurt anyone kind, and if the
kind person is cast in an entirely different mould from oneself, has
different ideas, different tastes, a different or no sense of fun, why
then God help one,--one is ruled by a rod of iron.
Just the procession each morning after breakfast to the chairs and
Merivale is the measure of Dolly's and my subjection. First goes Dolly
with the book, then comes Mrs. Barnes with her knitting, and then comes
me, casting my eyes about for a plausible excuse for deliverance and
finding none that wouldn't hurt. If I lag, Mrs. Barnes looks uneasily at
me with her, 'Am I driving you off your own terrace?' look; and once
when I lingered indoors on the pretext of housekeeping she came after
me, anxiety on her face, and begged me to allow her to help me, for it
is she and Dolly, she explained, who of course cause the extra
housekeeping, and it distressed her to think that owing to my goodness
in permitting them to be here I should be deprived of the leisure I
would otherwise be enjoying.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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